Unthinkable
by KatherineMP20
Summary: WARNING: this story contains hints of STRONG adult themes. it is NOT recommended for those under 18 or with weak stomachs. Summary inside.
1. Chapter 1

***AN* WARNING** **THIS STORY IS NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, OR A WEAK STOMACH. **** This story is in progress and may contain Rape, strong violence and other adult themes. You have been warned.**** Keep in mind that there is a chance that none of the above could happen, that is just a warning that I may add it. However do not hate me for writing such a story. I do not believe that any of the guys would commit any of these crimes. I also have nothing against any character I may put in a specific situation. I think this story through as I go so the summary may be a bit vague/repetitive.  
><strong>

**SUMMARY: The guys of BTR are on a rocky start to their new tour. Several opening dates had been canceled and they were now on their way to the east coast where the females of Nickelodeon have met up from their own comedy/campaigning tour. The guys have been on their bus for several days, only stopping once or twice a day for quick 15-30 minute breaks. After being cooped up, they are relieved to get several hours to themselves as they wait for word from Nickelodeon staff as to what to do. Katie -OC- spots their bus and stops to check in on them. After a quick chat that reveals the guys plans, they split up to do their own thing. But no one could foresee what happened next.**

"We just crossed the Rhode Island boarder. We should be at the venue in just under two hours." Todd said. Todd was the bus driver for Big Time Rush's tour bus.

"Finally!" Logan sighed. The guys had been trapped on the bus for a few days and were getting antsy. They had come straight from California. There were shows scheduled on the way to the East Coast, but because of weather and other mishaps, the tour was off to a rocky start and the shows were canceled. Once they arrived in the city of the venue, they had several hours to kill. The bus stopped off at a small shopping plaza so they could stock up on supplies and just stretch their legs. After about a half hour Katie's bus showed. This was her first time on tour. The Nickelodeon girls had their own tour going on and were going to meet up several times along the east coast. She had her driver stop when she saw the guys' bus. She got off hers and onto theirs to see if they were in. It was empty except for their dogs. She gave them some pets and noticed a wet patch of fur on Carlos' German Shepherd, Sydney. She gave it a closer look and saw that it was a bit red from the excessive licking. She went back to her bus and grabbed her canine first aid kit. She cleaned up Sydney's wound before spraying it with a hydro-cortisone spray to soothe any irritation. Not knowing when the guys would come back, she went to the back lounge to try and scrounge up some paper to leave Carlos a note about Sydney; she just found some when she heard the door slam. She looked out and saw Kendall, James and Logan coming in. the dogs ran up to meet them and Katie followed.

"Katie!" Kendall greeted

"Hey, guys."

"What are you doing here?" James asked with a smile.

" This is one of the cities we're meeting up with. My driver got separated from the others a few hours ago. I saw your bus and decided to see who was home. Where's Carlos?"

"he ran to the pet store for some supplies for Sydney." Logan said

"Yeah, I saw her rash. I treated her with some hydrocortisone. I was about to leave a note for him, when you guys came in." She said

"Always one step ahead of everyone when it comes to animals. We're lucky you're here." Kendall said with a smile as he patted her on the shoulders. Kendall was a big animal lover, just like Katie. He was glad she knew so much about animals, especially when it came to the animals working on set.

"When is the show tonight?" she asked.

"No idea." James replied.

"I think its around 4."

"4?" James questioned "What kind of show is this?"

"It's one of the nickelodeon shows." Logan informed

"Oh right. Duh" James said. He sat down flustered.

"What's up?" Katie asked

"I'm just a little antsy after being cooped up on this bus so long." James replied

"Me too." Kendall said

"What are you guys talking about? You just stopped yesterday." Katie said.

"No we didn't, this is our first show, we had a hell of a start." Logan explained.

"That explains it then." she agreed "what are you guys going to do? We have a few hours to kill, it's only…9:15am." She said after she paused to look at her phone.

"Logan and I were going to get some breakfast." Kendall answered for the two of them.

"I'm going to go for a run to work off some of this energy." came James' reply.

"You want to come to breakfast?" Logan offered.

"No thanks, I've been up since 4, I want to take a nap. I just couldn't get to sleep last night, and I'm getting tired now. Plus I'm just not that hungry."

"Are you feeling alright?"

"I feel a little off I guess but might just be because I'm tired. I have a headache too."

"Aww, feel better than. Get some rest." Kendall said.

"I will. I'll see you guys later. Text me if you need me or anything." Katie said as she went down the stairs, leaving the bus.

"Sure thing." James nodded


	2. Chapter 2

***AN* WARNING** **THIS STORY IS NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, OR A WEAK STOMACH. **** This story is in progress and may contain Rape, strong violence and other adult themes. You have been warned.**** Keep in mind that there is a chance that none of the above could happen, that is just a warning that I may add it. However do not hate me for writing such a story. I do not believe that any of the guys would commit any of these crimes. I also have nothing against any character I may put in a specific situation. I think this story through as I go so the summary may be a bit vague/repetitive.**

**ANY DEPICTION OF BTR IN THIS STORY IS PURELY FICTIONAL AND IN NO WAY RELATED TO ANYTHING, ANY OF THE GUYS HAVE SAID, DONE OR SUGGESTED. i love the guys and they are full of talent as well sweet gentlemen. Remember these stories are FICTION- meaning from the IMAGINATION. It is NOT REAL. Like Twilight. :)  
><strong>

**There is light/beginning rape in this chapter. I failed to mention it before but with an overwhelming number of emails about fellow fan-fic lovers adding story alerts/favorites I think I should mention that the 'rape' I may detail is 'boy rapes girl' not boy rapes boy. I do not make stories that are specific shippings. I may hint at several pairings but I dont purposefully make kogan/cargan/kames etc based stories. **

**Also, being in college makes writing difficult. I do try to add a chapter every other day if not every day but sometimes it doesnt end up that way. I may go a few months between stories but not chapters. I will try to tell you ahead of time if a chapter may be late but I can not always do this for obvious reasons.  
><strong>

James had come back from his run and wasn't really worn out but he was satisfied. He felt as though he worked off enough pent up energy and had enough time to recuperate for the show this afternoon. He reached his tour bus only to find the door locked. He patted his pants for his keys, but didn't have them. He knocked on the door and yelled up to the open windows but there was no response. He sighed as he gave up, frustrated. He quickly remembered that Katie has a key, as he scanned the area for his friends and saw Katie's tour bus on the other side of his. Every star had their own key, as did their drivers, managers and family but some, being the close friends they are, had copies made for the other Nick stars of their choosing. Katie and the guys of BTR had each others keys, as well as their own. He jogged over to her bus and knocked on the door. There was no answer, however it was unlocked. He entered the bus and found it quiet and from what he saw, empty. He explored the cabin for an extra set of keys. He made his way through the bus checking the kitchen and lounge.  
>He reached the back, where Katie's bedroom was and thought he might as well check there. He walked in to find Katie sound asleep. He stood in the doorway mildly shocked. He wasn't expecting her to be there, even though in the back of his mind he remembered her saying she was going to nap. He gained his senses and began to quietly tip-toe around the room scanning for her keys. They have been around each other sleeping before, it was nothing to them. During long rehearsals or days on the set, they would often conk off now and then. Working all day everyday for several months at a time means you can get real comfortable around your co-stars. James made his way around the right side of the room scanning just on top of her desk then actually ruffling through everything. He became focused on finding her keys that he wasn't paying attention to what he was doing or way he was going. The left side of the room was tighter, with only enough space to put a few small things. He shuffled in between the bed and wall to the cabinets above her bed. He remained focused and got closer and stopped suddenly. He gasped to take a breath before looking down. He was in such a tizzy trying to find the keys yet remain quiet enough not wake Katie up that he wasn't paying attention. Katie was laying on her side, arms extended over the bed, therefore rubbing against his groin. Every thought going through his mind told him to move but his body was frozen. The light touch was hypnotic and paralyzing.<br>He could do nothing but stand there in his hypnotic trance as he felt his pants get tighter. He looked down again and tried to stop his growing erection by thinking of something else. He closed his eyes to shake the thoughts from his mind. He moaned as his situation became more apparent. Katie began to stir lightly and James started to panic. He tried to quiet down as best he could, but each time she moved, she brushed up against him, increasing the pleasure he was feeling. He threw his head back and grabbed one of the racks on the wall and squeezed it hard to try to muffle his moans and at the same time release the tension building. He began to breathe deep and was losing all senses. He still felt paralyzed but also weak in the knees. He looked down to Katie, as he continued to let out soft, deep sighs. She looked peaceful as she slept. Somehow she looked different. He knew it was his mind playing tricks on him; granted Katie was an attractive girl with her long blonde hair, blue eyes and her not-so-girly but yet, not a tom boy, way about her. She was a sweet, shy and sensitive girl who knew how to treat a person. She was so nice to everyone, she often made snacks and treats for the guys. She was always willing to help out too. She wasn't the type to let her fame get to her head.  
>After his flashbacks, he shook his head only to find himself on her bed. He looked around and at himself as he lifted his hands. He didn't remember climbing on the bed. He looked back at Katie and couldn't stop himself. His body wasn't under his control anymore. He positioned himself atop of her as he slid back the covers and then undid his pants. His movements were enough to wake up Katie enough for her to look around, sleepily. Their eyes met but neither person was registering what they saw. James moved up on her more as she watched his movements. She finally began to gain her senses; she looked at him for a second before she registered it was James.<br>"James? What's the matter?" she said softly before putting her head back down on the pillow She had no problem with him being that close. When he didn't respond she looked at him again and this time could feel him. She looked down and saw him actually straddling her. "James get off me." She said playfully with a smile. "I'll get up in a minute. 5 more minutes"  
>He didn't respond still. Instead he moved closer and held her down.<br>"What the hell are you doing?" she yelled. She tried to break free but he was too strong. "James this isn't funny! Get off me!" Each time she yelled, he just held her tighter. He moved closer and she could feel something rubbing against her on her leg. She looked down but could only see that his pants were unbuckled. That was all she needed. She screamed as loud as she could as she struggled to break free. She called his name to try to snap him back to reality but he just held her down as he stared at her with almost emotionless/souless eyes. He rubbed his crotch against her. Tears started to form and roll down her cheeks. She didn't know what else to do. She never thought this would happen. She made a last ditch effort and screamed once more before James grabbed a folded bandana off Katie's dresser and tied it around her mouth.

***AN* I chose James for the rape. I dont really have an extended reason why other than that he is the tallest/most muscular. I would picture him hard to fight off. I have NOTHING against James or ANY guy of BTR. I love them all, they are sweet gentlemen and talented. Do not hate me/bash my story/bash my writing skills based on the characters/situations I use.**

**This story is still in progress. I may make a more detailed rape scene as a separate story or alternate ending depending on the reviews/response I receive. As for right now I'm going to use the 'suggested method' where I describe it but yet its subtle so you can picture it yourself. Also its to protect me in case i can not post such a story.  
><strong>


	3. Chapter 3

***AN* WARNING** **THIS STORY IS NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, OR A WEAK STOMACH. **** This story is in progress and may contain Rape, strong violence and other adult themes. You have been warned.**** Keep in mind that there is a chance that none of the above could happen, that is just a warning that I may add it. However do not hate me for writing such a story. I do not believe that any of the guys would commit any of these crimes. I also have nothing against any character I may put in a specific situation. I think this story through as I go so the summary may be a bit vague/repetitive.**

**ANY DEPICTION OF BTR IN THIS STORY IS PURELY FICTIONAL AND IN NO WAY RELATED TO ANYTHING, ANY OF THE GUYS HAVE SAID, DONE OR SUGGESTED. i love the guys and they are full of talent as well sweet gentlemen. Remember these stories are FICTION- meaning from the IMAGINATION. It is NOT REAL. Like Twilight. :)  
><strong>

**There is suggested rape in this chapter. I failed to mention it before but with an overwhelming number of emails about fellow fan-fic lovers adding story alerts/favorites I think I should mention that the 'rape' I may detail is 'boy rapes girl' not boy rapes boy. I do not make stories that are specific shippings. I may hint at several pairings but I dont purposefully make kogan/cargan/kames etc based stories. At least not yet. **

**Also, being in college makes writing difficult. I do try to add a chapter every other day if not every day but sometimes it doesnt end up that way. I may go a few months between stories but not chapters. I will try to tell you ahead of time if a chapter may be late but I can not always do this for obvious reasons.  
><strong>

Outside, Logan and Kendall returned from breakfast. Carlos was coming out of their tour bus with his dog Sydney.  
>"Carlitos!" Logan called over.<br>"Hey guys, how was breakfast?" Carlos responded.  
>"Filling." Kendall said satisfied. "We tried to get a hold of you to come along. Where were you?"<br>"I got your texts, but I was busy shopping for some stuff for Syd. I was just going to grab some fast food. I wasn't all that hungry." he explained.  
>"That's cool. Where are you off too?"<br>"I'm going to take Sydney for a walk; she's been cooped up too. I saw Fox, still asleep in his cage. Did James ever take him out?" Carlos asked  
>"I don't know. He did say he was going out for a run this morning. If he's still out then I guess he didn't take him." Logan said.<br>"Then, I'll take him. Not fair to Fox, if he stays cooped up too." Carlos said as he turned back in to the bus. Kendall and Logan followed him in and headed to the back lounge.  
>"I'm off. Tell James I took Fox." Carlos called to them<br>"Got it." Kendall responded. With that Carlos headed out, letting the door shut loudly as he tried to situate both dogs comfortably.  
>"have you heard anything yet about when and where we're supposed to be at this campaign thing?" Logan asked<br>"Uh…" Kendall began as he checked his phone. "Nothing more than it starts at 4. I would assume we would have to be at the venue by at least 2 and its almost 11 now."  
>"So what do you want to do until then?" Logan asked<br>"Beats me. There isn't anything to do around here, not that we know where anything is. I'll probably just hang here for a bit." Kendall replied  
>"Sounds like a plan. I wonder if Katie's up yet." Logan wondered as he pulled out his phone to text her.<br>"I doubt it." Kendall chuckled.  
>"You're right." Logan agreed.<br>"Hey, where's our driver?" Kendall asked  
>"No idea. " Came Logan's response.<br>"Argh! I'm so bored!"Kendall said sternly as he stood up. He paused quickly. "Logan. Do you hear that?" Logan looked up at him confused, but listened. He didn't hear anything.  
>"Hear what?" Logan asked. He was quickly silenced by Kendall who heard it again just as Logan spoke. Logan heard it too. He stood up to investigate where the sound was coming from. He opened the window and could immediately tell where it was coming from.<br>"Kendall! It's coming from Katie's bus!" Logan shouted to his friend. Kendall didn't waste time and flew over the table and through the bus with Logan at his heels. Whether Logan was right or not didn't matter, it wasn't worth the time to double check before leaving. They flew out the bus door and made sharp turns around the front of their bus to the front of Katie's bus. Kendall threw open the door, without a care and jumped up all three stairs at once. They raced to the back, where her bedroom was and the door was locked. Kendall pressed his ear to the door but couldn't hear anything. Logan was right behind him. He looked back at his friend with puzzled look before returning to the door. He could hear muffled screams and what sounded like crying. He backed up and looked at Logan. Together they slammed the door, bursting it open. They swarmed into the room and it took them mere seconds to gather the scene in front of them.  
>"James, what the fuck are you doing!" Kendall yelled<br>"Get off her, man!" Logan added. Both of them grabbed James and tried to pull him off, but he fought back. He was entranced in getting what he wanted and he wasn't about to stop now. He held his grip on Katie who was scared shitless. The adrenaline pumping through Kendall and Logan had reached a boiling point. Together the guys managed to throw him off balance and onto the floor. James got back up immediately and head straight for Katie but instead was met with Kendall's fist. James blacked out for a second before coming too. He was met with a pissed off Kendall who was holding his hand. Logan stared at him for a second before drilling him.  
>"What the fuck is your problem, man? Why would you do that to her?" Logan began. James may had come too but his mind was a fog with all the questions running through his mind. He scanned the room assessing the situation. He saw Katie laying on the bed in fear and tied up. He ran out of the room and off the bus. It only took him a few seconds from being jolted awake by Kendall's fist and Logan's drilling to know what was going on. He was ashamed, and pissed at himself that he could even think of doing something so low and disgusting. It was unthinkable.<p>

***AN* I chose James for the rape. I dont really have an extended reason why other than that he is the tallest/most muscular. I would picture him hard to fight off. I have NOTHING against James or ANY guy of BTR. I love them all, they are sweet gentlemen and talented. Do not hate me/bash my story/bash my writing skills based on the characters/situations I use.**

**This story is still in progress. I may make a more detailed rape scene as a separate story or alternate ending depending on the reviews/response I receive. As for right now I'm just going to 'suggest' rape. Also its to protect me in case i can not post such a story.  
><strong>


	4. Chapter 4

***AN* WARNING** **THIS STORY IS NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, OR A WEAK STOMACH. **** This story is in progress and may contain Rape, strong violence and other adult themes. You have been warned.**** Keep in mind that there is a chance that none of the above could happen, that is just a warning that I may add it. However do not hate me for writing such a story. I do not believe that any of the guys would commit any of these crimes. I also have nothing against any character I may put in a specific situation. I think this story through as I go so the summary may be a bit vague/repetitive.**

**ANY DEPICTION OF BTR IN THIS STORY IS PURELY FICTIONAL AND IN NO WAY RELATED TO ANYTHING, ANY OF THE GUYS HAVE SAID, DONE OR SUGGESTED. i love the guys and they are full of talent as well sweet gentlemen. Remember these stories are FICTION- meaning from the IMAGINATION. It is NOT REAL. Like Twilight. :)  
><strong>

**There is suggested rape in this chapter. I failed to mention it before but with an overwhelming number of emails about fellow fan-fic lovers adding story alerts/favorites I think I should mention that the 'rape' I may detail is 'boy rapes girl' not boy rapes boy. I do not make stories that are specific shippings. I may hint at several pairings but I dont purposefully make kogan/cargan/kames etc based stories. At least not yet. **

**Also, being in college makes writing difficult. I do try to add a chapter every other day if not every day but sometimes it doesnt end up that way. I may go a few months between stories but not chapters. I will try to tell you ahead of time if a chapter may be late but I can not always do this for obvious reasons.  
><strong>

James ran as fast and as far as he could before he reached an alley. He had no idea how far he had gone or even where he was. He didn't look back, he just dodged and turned to avoid collisions. He slowed down into the alley and braced himself against the brick wall as he walked through trying to catch his breath. He eventually reached a dead end and turned his back against the wall. He looked up at the sky, it was a little cloudy but it was mostly sunny. The weather was taunting him. He felt anything but sunny. He felt like shit, he couldn't begin to wonder what possessed him to turn into such a monster that he would rape his best friend. He slid down to the ground, head in his hands and cried for what seemed like hours.  
>Back on the bus, Kendall saw James leave and turned to Katie and Logan. Logan was at her side, trying to calm her down as he wrapped her blanket around her and untied her. She just cried through Logan's words and wouldn't look at either of them. Logan looked up at Kendall, concerned and disheartened. They didn't need to exchange words. Kendall turned abruptly and headed out of the room. Logan chased him down real quick.<br>"Kendall, where are you going?" he asked calmly already knowing the answer.  
>"I'm going to find that bastard and beat the living daylights out of him." Kendall responded<br>"Do you really think violence is going to solve anything?" Logan tried to talk him out of it.  
>"It doesn't matter if it does or doesn't. What he did was is unforgivable!" Kendall came back. Logan stood silent as Kendall made his way out. He stopped before leaving and with out turning to his friend, "She could really use a friend right now, Logan. I believe you could help her. I'm too pissed off right now."<br>"Alright. I'm going to take her to the emergency room. Just to make sure everything is alright. I'll call you when I get there, they might want DNA samples to test against. They aren't going to take our word for it." Logan said  
>"Sure." Kendall replied before leaving. Logan sighed before heading back to Katie's room. She was still sitting on the bed, curled up slightly. She had stopped crying but didn't move.<br>"Katie?" Logan said softly. "I'm here for you, ok?". He walked over to her bed and sat next to her on the bed. He went to put his arms around her and she flinched. He quickly backed up. He didn't want to make her any more uncomfortable. Although he was hurt that she was scared of him, he completely understood. "I know you'd probably want to be left alone, but that is not going to happen. I'm not leaving you alone, you could use someone to talk to and I'm going to be that person. I'm going to stay here just for you. I know you probably don't trust anyone, especially me but just know I'm here." Katie just sat motionless. Logan got up and took out his phone. He scrolled through his contacts and contacted Carlos.  
>"Hey Logan what's up?" Carlos answered<br>"Dude, you got to come back to the buses." Logan said sternly  
>"Why what's wrong? Is everything alright?" Carlos asked<br>"I cant really say over the phone. Its kind of a big deal but the worst is over. Come back to the buses as soon as you can and look for James on your way back." Logan explained.  
>"Dude, what the hell is going on?" Carlos demanded<br>"I'll explain when you get here, I don't want this getting out." Logan said before disconnecting. Carlos, just looked at his phone confused but concerned that something was seriously wrong. He looked around as he thought for a moment before tugging on both dogs' leashes and jogging back to the busses. Fox, being still so tiny and young quickly ran out of steam. Carlos picked him up and continued on without missing a beat.  
>He made in back in just a few minutes; he hadn't gone that far to begin with. He headed straight to the BTR tour bus but it was empty. He called out Logan and Kendall's names a few times as he unclipped the dogs from their leashes and harnesses. He gave the bus a quick sweep but when he found no one, headed back outside, phone in hand. He wandered to the front of the bus and began to text Logan, when he came out of Katie's bus.<br>"Carlos, there you are. You came back quick."  
>"Yeah, I came back as fast as I could, I was worried something was really wrong. What's up?" Carlos asked, calmly. It was quiet around the buses so he figured there really wasn't that big of an emergency.<br>"First things first, do you know where either of the driver's are?" Logan asked  
>"No." Carlos replied confused<br>"Ok. Did you see James or Kendall?" Logan said.  
>"No… Dude, what the hell is going on?" Carlos asked getting concerned again. Logan looked around real quick before grabbing his arm and pulling him onto the bus. "Logan!" Carlos called out as he tried to stable himself.<br>"Carlos, hear me out. This is serious but you need to listen to everything I have to say first. Can you do that?" Logan said sternly, hands on Carlos's shoulders.  
>"Sure, Logan. What is it?" He said as he looked into Logan's eyes. He knew this was a serious matter and could sense the tension in Logan's voice. Logan sighed and released his friend.<br>"Katie was raped. It happened a little while ago. We need to get her to the hospital to get her checked out." Logan began. Carlos was about to interrupt when Logan continued "However, as expected, she's scared. She won't look at me or Kendall and she won't talk. She's not crying anymore which is good. It's best if she isn't left alone but I don't want to terrorize her more by sitting with her alone in the room she just got assaulted in. having both of us in there won't help either, but like I said she won't move. We need to find her driver or find some other female she knows. We need to be careful who we get, we don't need this getting out."  
>Carlos stayed silent for a minute as he processed everything Logan told him. He couldn't tell if he was mad, guilty, or depressed. He had so many emotions surging through him and so many thoughts he didn't know where to start. Finally he looked to Katie's room then to Logan, tears starting to form. He sniffled and rubbed his nose before talking.<br>"Do you know who it was?" he asked in a small, shaky voice. Logan didn't respond, he wasn't sure if he should tell Carlos. Maybe Carlos thought that James and Kendall were out looking for the guy. He hoped so, that way he wouldn't have to break the news that it was his best friend. "Logan?"  
>"Huh?" Logan said, snapping out of his thoughts.<br>"Do you know who it was or where the guy went?"  
>"Oh…um…"<br>"Logan, what are you trying to hide? Who was it? Was it someone we know?" Carlos began to drill for answers. Logan remained silent to think of an answer but before he could say or think of anything Carlos spoke again. "Was it our bus driver, Todd?"  
>Logan looked at Carlos stunned. He was surprised at the conclusion he came too. Granted, Todd was new and the guys didn't know much about him but Carlos wasn't one to judge people like that. This was getting serious and Logan was running out of options.<br>"No."  
>"Then who was it? Do you who it was or not?" Carlos said louder.<br>"It….It was James…." Logan finally managed to say. He looked at his friends emotionless face and turned away out of guilt. 

***AN* I chose James for the rape. I dont really have an extended reason why other than that he is the tallest/most muscular. I would picture him hard to fight off. I have NOTHING against James or ANY guy of BTR. I love them all, they are sweet gentlemen and talented. Do not hate me/bash my story/bash my writing skills based on the characters/situations I use.**

**This story is still in progress. I may make a more detailed rape scene as a separate story or alternate ending depending on the reviews/response I receive. As for right now I'm just going to 'suggest' rape. Also its to protect me in case i can not post such a story.  
><strong>


	5. Chapter 5

**WARNING** **THIS STORY IS NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, OR A WEAK STOMACH. **** This story is in progress and may contain Rape, strong violence and other adult themes. You have been warned.**** Keep in mind that there is a chance that none of the above could happen, that is just a warning that I may add it. However do not hate me for writing such a story. I do not believe that any of the guys would commit any of these crimes. I also have nothing against any character I may put in a specific situation. I think this story through as I go so the summary may be a bit vague/repetitive.**

**ANY DEPICTION OF BTR IN THIS STORY IS PURELY FICTIONAL AND IN NO WAY RELATED TO ANYTHING, ANY OF THE GUYS HAVE SAID, DONE OR SUGGESTED. i love the guys and they are full of talent as well sweet gentlemen. Remember these stories are FICTION- meaning from the IMAGINATION. It is NOT REAL. Like Twilight. :)  
><strong>

**There is suggested rape in this chapter. I failed to mention it before but with an overwhelming number of emails about fellow fan-fic lovers adding story alerts/favorites I think I should mention that the 'rape' I may detail is 'boy rapes girl' not boy rapes boy. I do not make stories that are specific shippings. I may hint at several pairings but I dont purposefully make kogan/cargan/kames etc based stories. At least not yet. **

**Also, being in college makes writing difficult. I do try to add a chapter every other day if not every day but sometimes it doesnt end up that way. I may go a few months between stories but not chapters. I will try to tell you ahead of time if a chapter may be late but I can not always do this for obvious reasons.**

***AN* This story is longer than i had anticipated but there is a lot that i want to cover. It really wasnt this detailed when i first thought it up but each time I write a new chapter I think about another section that would be good. This chapter I didnt plan to write at all, I actually was thinking about skipping ahead a little bit or telling a different side. I might still include what I originally planned next chapter. The chapters might get a little longer (I usually try to keep them about 1000-1500 words-about 1 page- but I want to have one plot span one chapter rather than 2 or combine plots.*  
><strong>

Logan looked into Katie's bed room and saw her still on the bed, although she had moved a little. He looked back at Carlos who was visibly distraught. Before Logan could say a word, Carlos headed to Katie.  
>"Carlos wait." Logan called out as he grabbed his shoulder. "Remember what I said?"<br>"…Yeah…I do Logan. It's just, I feel awful. I feel worse than anything. How could this happen?" Carlos said as he began to get antsy. "How could James do something so disgusting? Doesn't he care about her? Everything she has ever done for him and that's how he repays her? She's our best friend, what's going to happen now? What if she's be sent away or even quits and we will never see her again?" Carlos sat down on the sofa and put his head in his hands before coming back up and resting his chin on his knuckles. "That fucking bastard". Logan didn't know what else to say, there wasn't anything to say to make this situation any better. They were all at a loss as to why this happened and what they were going to do about it. After some silence, Logan spoke.  
>"Let's get her to the hospital." Carlos sat there silent for a while before he sighed.<br>"Alright."  
>"I'll see if I can find one of the agents. Who do you think we can trust the most?"<br>"Hmm. Just get Katie's agent."  
>"I don't know, she doesn't seem very trustworthy. I don't think Katie likes her."<br>"Get Melissa." Katie said quietly. Logan and Carlos looked to her in surprise, she wasn't looking at them, but did as they were told. They talked amongst themselves and moved around the cabin as they tried to get everything together.  
>Melissa arrived in about 20 minutes. She was behind the last of the buses. All of them were now in the state and just had to meet up at the venue at 1. She arrived as soon as she could, Logan didn't tell her what was going on exactly, just that they needed to see her. The guys kept watch out the front windows for Melissa. As soon as she arrived Logan jumped out the door. Melissa was surprised to see him coming out of Katie's bus. The buses weren't labeled but the license plates and other series of numbers told the professional staff whose bus was whose at a glance. Melissa didn't have time to ask any questions before Logan pulled her inside and Carlos shut the door behind them.<br>"What's going on, guys? What did you need?" She asked.  
>"We need help." Logan started<br>"Katie was raped and we need to get her to the hospital but she's obviously not going to trust us." Carlos explained  
>"WHAT? When did this happen? Do you know who it was? Did anybody see anything?" Melissa began to drill.<br>"Wait, wait, wait." Logan tried to calm her down. "Details later, can we please just get her some help?"  
>"Right. Of course." She said calmly. She made her way to the back and comforted Katie. The two were good friends. Melissa had a way of being an all over people person. She worked with all the stars and developed close bonds with most of the Nick girls. She hugged Katie for several minutes before either of them spoke. It didn't take long for Melissa to coax Katie out of bed. She walked Katie to the car and came back for a few of her things.<br>"We're coming with you" Carlos said. Melissa looked at both of them, she knew there was no way they were going to stay put even if she said no. She agreed and they hopped into the back of the car. They headed to the nearest hospital, which ended up being the next town over, with little spoken between them. Melissa walked Katie to the emergency room with Carlos and Logan right behind them. Melissa had a few accessories in her car to help hide their identities a little bit. They walked in unnoticed and were taken right away. Carlos, Logan and Melissa waited outside the room while a team of nurses and specialists looked her over. After about a half hour, they came back out. They had gotten everything they needed for evidence from her and just needed DNA from Carlos and Logan. They stood at attention without a fight as a doctor swabbed the inside of their mouths. They sealed the box and sent it to the appropriate place and then began the questions.  
>"Did you see the man who did this to you?"<br>"Yes."  
>"Could you describe him?"<br>"Yes." she began. She hesitated "No. I cant…"  
>"OK. It's alright." she turned to her friends. "We're going to need samples from everyone who was with her to test against the DNA we already found."<br>"No problem." Melissa responded.  
>"I'll call Kendall." Logan said as he pulled out his phone. He left the hospital to get a better signal outside.<br>The team of medical staff finished up just as Logan came back.  
>"Is Kendall on his way?" Melissa asked. Logan paused for a second<br>"Kendall's in jail." He said calmly. The others stared at him in shock, speechless at the news

***AN* I chose James for the rape. I dont really have an extended reason why other than that he is the tallest/most muscular. I would picture him hard to fight off. I have NOTHING against James or ANY guy of BTR. I love them all, they are sweet gentlemen and talented. Do not hate me/bash my story/bash my writing skills based on the characters/situations I use.**

**This story is still in progress. I may make a more detailed rape scene as a separate story or alternate ending depending on the reviews/response I receive. As for right now I'm just going to 'suggest' rape. Also its to protect me in case i can not post such a story.  
><strong>


	6. Chapter 6

**WARNING** **THIS STORY IS NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, OR A WEAK STOMACH. **** This story is in progress and may contain Rape, strong violence and other adult themes. You have been warned.**** Keep in mind that there is a chance that none of the above could happen, that is just a warning that I may add it. However do not hate me for writing such a story. I do not believe that any of the guys would commit any of these crimes. I also have nothing against any character I may put in a specific situation. I think this story through as I go so the summary may be a bit vague/repetitive.**

**ANY DEPICTION OF BTR IN THIS STORY IS PURELY FICTIONAL AND IN NO WAY RELATED TO ANYTHING, ANY OF THE GUYS HAVE SAID, DONE OR SUGGESTED. i love the guys and they are full of talent as well sweet gentlemen. Remember these stories are FICTION- meaning from the IMAGINATION. It is NOT REAL. Like Twilight. :)  
><strong>

**There is suggested rape in this chapter. I failed to mention it before but with an overwhelming number of emails about fellow fan-fic lovers adding story alerts/favorites I think I should mention that the 'rape' I may detail is 'boy rapes girl' not boy rapes boy. I do not make stories that are specific shippings. I may hint at several pairings but I dont purposefully make kogan/cargan/kames etc based stories. At least not yet. **

**Also, being in college makes writing difficult. I do try to add a chapter every other day if not every day but sometimes it doesnt end up that way. I may go a few months between stories but not chapters. I will try to tell you ahead of time if a chapter may be late but I can not always do this for obvious reasons.**

**_*AN* This story is longer than i had anticipated but there is a lot that i want to cover. It really wasnt this detailed when i first thought it up but each time I write a new chapter I think about another section that would be good. This chapter I didnt plan to write at all, I actually was thinking about skipping ahead a little bit or telling a different side. I might still include what I originally planned next chapter. The chapters might get a little longer (I usually try to keep them about 1000-1500 words-about 1 page- but I want to have one plot span one chapter rather than 2 or combine plots.*_  
><strong>

"Kendall's in JAIL?" Carlos reiterated.  
>"This day just keeps getting better and better…." Melissa sighed as she hung her head in her hand.<br>"What happened? Why is he in jail?" Carlos asked.  
>"I don't know, I just called his phone expecting him to pick up but instead some guy, uh Officer Scott, answered. I asked him if Kendall was around and he said he's in jail. And if we want him, to come get him." Logan explained.<br>"Fantastic." Melissa said flatly. She tuned to the nurse "When can Katie be released?"  
>"In a few hours, once we get all the tests back." the nurse replied<br>"A few hours? I have a show to do tonight, I wont make it back in time." Katie blurted out suddenly. It was like her to be more concerned about performing, she enjoyed being onstage, having fun with her costars and Nick family. She had forgotten all about her predicament until Melissa brought her back to reality.  
>"You're not doing the show tonight. Neither is BTR at the rate we're going. We may have to post pone the show for a few hours or do it tomorrow. We may even have to cancel it. In any case, YOU are not performing. You are in no condition to do anything. You need to be cleared here first, then its off to therapy for you." Melissa lectured.<br>"I'm not crazy!" Katie rebutted  
>"This would be best for you. You need to make sure you can function. You're talking now with no problem, however we want to make sure you can comfortably be around the other guys. And James" Melissa continued. Katie looked down as the words hit home. Melissa was right, she wasn't too sure she would be able to look James in the eyes without seeing the soulless look he gave her as he ravaged her. She stared down at her bed as the scene played over and over in her head. The others just watched as their friend fell apart. Melissa turned to Carlos and Logan<br>"You guys should stay here in case the doctors need anything. I'll go see if I can bail Kendall out of jail without causing a huge scene with the media."  
>"Got it." Logan replied.<br>Melissa made her way to her car and looked up the address of the police station. She got in her car, put the address in the GPS and took off.

"Hey Schmidt! At attention, you have a visitor." an officer said gruffly. Kendall did as he was told, although reluctant. He looked curiously at the cell door to see who his visitor might be. He was thrilled to see Melissa.  
>"Melissa!" he said happily as he rushed the door. His face quickly changed to regret and guilt when he saw the look on her face. He took a step back and took a defensive stance. Although there were iron bars between them, he still felt threatened.<br>"What the hell were you thinking?" She yelled at him. "Do you know what kind of damage you could have done, not only to yourself but to BTR as a whole or even Nickelodeon? What would have happened if the media caught wind of this? Did you even think at all?"  
>Kendall stood silent as she chewed him out. She was right, he had acted foolish but he was just so upset that to him, in that moment, it felt justified. Melissa saw the sad look on his face and just sighed.<br>"What happened?" she asked calmly. Kendall turned away to the wall behind him, bracing himself with his forearm. "Kendall, talk to me." she said sternly. Kendall raised his other hand to his face and sniffled. He turned to her, eyes puffy and red.  
>"I…I just couldn't control myself is all…" he began quietly. "When I saw James on top of her, I was scared. I saw Katie crying and I lost it. Logan and I tried to get him off but he wasn't himself anymore, he was in a trance. I clocked him and he came out of it and ran off the bus. I wanted to talk to him but the adrenaline was pumping through me so fast, all I could feel was rage. Then I was just pissed off that he could do something like that. I followed him off the bus about 3 minutes later. I had no idea which way he went so I just went straight. It wasn't long before I reached a market place. It was crowded and I wasn't sure if I was on the right trail anymore. A couple people asked me if I needed help and I tried to describe James but I was in such a fury, I couldn't think straight. It wasn't long after that, when two girls ran up to me screaming. I told them I was in a hurry and didn't have time to talk. I apologized for being rude and gave them the number to my manager so he could make it up to them somehow. I pushed past them and could see they were a little concerned. I continued past the market place and noticed an alley. I looked back to make sure I wasn't being followed and went in. I made my way down and called out James' name but I didn't get a response." Kendall paused. He needed a moment before he could continue. It was such a blur to him.<p>

_**This might be a beginning to a POV (Point of View) Chapter. I wanted to have that last paragraph as part of the next chapter to start off with the whole thing but I was running a little short in a couple sections, so I needed some 'filler' so to speak to make the chapter just long enough. I dont usually post very short chapters, I find it to be a little lazy. In any case, It may be a few days before the next chapter is uploaded, my mind has been in a fog today and i have much homework to do (midterms are next week!) plus i'm feeling a little off. Just thought I would give a heads up that I may not update for a bit, but you never know.** _

***AN* I chose James for the rape. I dont really have an extended reason why other than that he is the tallest/most muscular. I would picture him hard to fight off. I have NOTHING against James or ANY guy of BTR. I love them all, they are sweet gentlemen and talented. Do not hate me/bash my story/bash my writing skills based on the characters/situations I use.**

**This story is still in progress. I may make a more detailed rape scene as a separate story or alternate ending depending on the reviews/response I receive. As for right now I'm just going to 'suggest' rape. Also its to protect me in case i can not post such a story.  
><strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**WARNING** **THIS STORY IS NOT FOR ANYONE UNDER THE AGE OF 18, OR A WEAK STOMACH. **** This story is in progress and may contain Rape, strong violence and other adult themes. You have been warned.**** Keep in mind that there is a chance that none of the above could happen, that is just a warning that I may add it. However do not hate me for writing such a story. I do not believe that any of the guys would commit any of these crimes. I also have nothing against any character I may put in a specific situation. I think this story through as I go so the summary may be a bit vague/repetitive.**

**ANY DEPICTION OF BTR IN THIS STORY IS PURELY FICTIONAL AND IN NO WAY RELATED TO ANYTHING, ANY OF THE GUYS HAVE SAID, DONE OR SUGGESTED. i love the guys and they are full of talent as well sweet gentlemen. Remember these stories are FICTION- meaning from the IMAGINATION. It is NOT REAL. Like Twilight. :)  
><strong>

**There is suggested rape in this chapter. I failed to mention it before but with an overwhelming number of emails about fellow fan-fic lovers adding story alerts/favorites I think I should mention that the 'rape' I may detail is 'boy rapes girl' not boy rapes boy. I do not make stories that are specific shippings. I may hint at several pairings but I dont purposefully make kogan/cargan/kames etc based stories. At least not yet. **

**Also, being in college makes writing difficult. I do try to add a chapter every other day if not every day but sometimes it doesnt end up that way. I may go a few months between stories but not chapters. I will try to tell you ahead of time if a chapter may be late but I can not always do this for obvious reasons.**

**_*AN* This story is longer than i had anticipated but there is a lot that i want to cover. It really wasnt this detailed when i first thought it up but each time I write a new chapter I think about another section that would be good. This chapter I didnt plan to write at all, I actually was thinking about skipping ahead a little bit or telling a different side. I might still include what I originally planned next chapter. The chapters might get a little longer (I usually try to keep them about 1000-1500 words-about 1 page- but I want to have one plot span one chapter rather than 2 or combine plots.*_  
><strong>

Kendall thought for a few moments trying to piece together what had happened.  
>(Kendall POV)<br>I remember now. I was almost going to leave but I did a double take down the alley. Just past the dumpster was a pile of boxes and sticking out I saw one of his custom shoes. I called out to him he didn't respond.  
>"I know your there; now show yourself." I said. He got up, slowly but wouldn't face me. I walked up to him and still he wouldn't look me in the eye. I hit him again and he lost his balance, but caught himself as he fell backwards against the wall.<br>"You son of a bitch! How could you fucking do that to her? Hasn't she done enough for you? She thought of you as her brother you fucking sicko!" I yelled at him before I hit him again. That time he went all the way down, hard. He raised himself halfway; sort of like a half push-up. He stayed like that for a few seconds, I thought he was just disoriented, but then I noticed the drops of blood appearing on the ground below. He huffed a couple times before staggering to his feet. He looked me in the eye and my heart sank a little. His eyes screamed he was sorry for what he did, but he knew he could never take it back. He knew he deserved every thing that was being thrown at him and more. He looked as though he just wanted to die; like he was begging me to put an end to his misery. I wanted to forgive him but what he did was so unforgivable and unforgettable. The damage he caused for all of us, especially Katie, was irreparable. I was still pissed too, he may be my best friend but he crossed the line. I didn't care anymore about Big Time Rush, I just wanted to make things right. I looked at him as the blood trickled down his face. Katie flashed through my mind; as scared as she was, if she knew what I was doing, she would be disappointed. I lowered my fists and sighed. I could feel James' depressing stare.  
>"Why did you stop? Beat me. Hit me until I can't stand. I deserve it." he said<br>"I…I cant fucking do this. I hate your guts right now, but I cant disappoint Katie. She's been through enough for one day." I said softly  
>"All the more reason to just kill me now." James said<br>"James, I'm not going to kill you. If you had any respect for Katie you wouldn't cause her more pain!" I called out. He remained silent. I heard footsteps in the distance and turned to see 2 figures coming down the alley. I put my hand over my eyes to see if I could get a better look but as soon as I did, one of the figures called out to us.  
>"Freeze! Hands in the air, now!"<br>Confused I put my hands up immediately but the next thing I knew, James and I were both on the ground. Before I could fight back, the figure on top of me had me restrained. I was disoriented from the fall, I couldn't see straight. I was pulled to my feet and saw James being pulled up as well. Something in me snapped and I went after James; or at least I tried to. I was held back instantly and told to settle down, I looked back and saw the figures were officers. The adrenaline surging through me had me antsy but I did as I was told to avoid further confrontation.  
>"Now what is going on here? We got a call of a fight."<br>"It was me officer. I hit him." I admitted  
>"You did, huh? You seemed to have done a number on the other guy." The officer said, looking over to James who was being inspected by his partner. "Any specific reason?"<br>"I deserved it." James replied. I looked at him, shocked that he would admit that but also afraid of what I knew thee answer to his next question would be. My heart began to race in fear. I looked at him wide-eyed, speechless, thoughts running through my mind so fast I couldn't think of them all.  
>"What did you do?" the officer I asked. I opened my mouth to stop James but it was too late.<br>"I raped my best friend." he said in a high voice, trying to hold back the tears. I couldn't believe it. Sure I was pissed at him, more than pissed, furious at what he did. Rape is unforgivable and to violate the trust of someone you love is horrible. But I just couldn't believe he gave himself up like that, deep down I wish he hadn't.

_**This might be a beginning to a POV (Point of View) Chapter. I wanted to have that last paragraph as part of the next chapter to start off with the whole thing but I was running a little short in a couple sections, so I needed some 'filler' so to speak to make the chapter just long enough. I dont usually post very short chapters, I find it to be a little lazy. In any case, It may be a few days before the next chapter is uploaded, my mind has been in a fog today and i have much homework to do (midterms are next week!) plus i'm feeling a little off. Just thought I would give a heads up that I may not update for a bit, but you never know. Also, there appear to be problems with logging into the site, this may also account for why I may not make updates. ** _

***AN* I chose James for the rape. I dont really have an extended reason why other than that he is the tallest/most muscular. I would picture him hard to fight off. I have NOTHING against James or ANY guy of BTR. I love them all, they are sweet gentlemen and talented. Do not hate me/bash my story/bash my writing skills based on the characters/situations I use.**

**This story is still in progress. I may make a more detailed rape scene as a separate story or alternate ending depending on the reviews/response I receive. As for right now I'm just going to 'suggest' rape. Also its to protect me in case i can not post such a story.  
><strong>


	8. Chapter 8

_***AN* I think by now, anyone who is (Or was) reading this story, knows what it contains. I got rid of all the warnings and old AN's. I was getting tired of them and confused at trying to keep up with what I had already included and adding new AN's. I feel as though I have gotten far in the story and kind wish it didnt get this long but I'm happy with it nonetheless. I have yet even begun to scratch the surface at what I hope to be an emotional story (good and bad). Bear with me as I try to figure some of the emotions out. As I have mentioned, the OC, Katie, is based off me, just as the BTR I write about is the real life BTR (Not the show version) i'm trying to place the right scenario on the right person while trying to stay as realistic as possible (aside from the fantasy part-although I will be writing a couple BTR Sci-fi/fantasy fics in the future).**_

_**The angst in this story is kinda running thin for two reasons, one I am not feeling it personally (I take my anger/depression and put it in my fan-fics) 2, I've been spreading it all over the place and i'm running out of ideas. I dont know how this story will be ending, I never had a clue even when the idea came up. I still have a few scenarios to go through as far as plot goes in the story. This story has a feel as if everything would be forgiven and be alright but I dont think I want to go that route, although it could be possible (even in real life-things arent always awkward or scary forever). I'm having a bit of a problem explaining what I'm planning or thinking through so I'll just write and see where it goes. If I have a different outcome that I like I can always upload an alternate ending as I have done in the past.** _

"Then the cops took us away in separate cars and I ended up here. That's what happened." Kendall said. He looked to Melissa who stayed silent in thought.  
>"I really don't know what to say at this point, Kendall. I understand how you felt but you crossed the line. You dug yourself a real deep hole that's going to be quite hard to fill back in." Melissa finally said. Kendall said nothing, he knew it was true. Melissa turned to the waiting officer, "Is the other boy here as well?"<br>"Yes, Ma'am. He was checked out by a doctor and he's in our booking cell upstairs." the officer responded.  
>"Booking?" Melissa said worried.<br>"He confessed to committing a serious crime, Ma'am. We have no choice." the officer stated  
>"I understand." she sighed. "What are the charges against this one?" pointing to Kendall. Kendall looked to the officer.<br>"Basic assault charges. He'll have to stay, until we finish processing both of them. Come back tomorrow to find out what the final charges, bail and all that good stuff will be."  
>"But I got to-!" Kendall began<br>"Kendall!" Melissa stopped him.  
>"Melissa, I can't…-" He tried to argue<br>"Enough!" She said sharply, turning to him. "I know what you're thinking, but now is not the time or place to think of that. I will figure something out, don't worry."  
>Kendall reached through the bars in a gesture to hug. Melissa reciprocated with a smile. Kendall squeezed tightly as he leaned as close as he could. "Thanks, Melissa, I really appreciate it, you've been a big help."<br>"No problem, Kendall. Don't worry, I will handle this. Just do what I say and try to stay calm, alright?"  
>"Sure." he replied<br>"Good" she said relieved  
>"Can you do me one more thing?" he asked quietly<br>"What is it?" she asked  
>"Please, take care of Katie for me. Please?" he begged<br>"Of course." she said, as she grabbed his hand. "I got to go. I'll see you later." She left quickly, leaving Kendall behind. He watched as she left, the officer following and locking the door, leaving him alone in the cold jail cell.

Upstairs, James was being held in a common cell in the precinct's special victims unit for sexual based offences. He sat in the corner of the cell opposite the other criminals, with his head against the wall, listening to all the noises as people passed by. He never looked up at anything, so many thoughts were crossing his mind. He didn't notice when Melissa, walked up to the cell. She stayed silent, as she stared at him. It was heartbreaking seeing him like this, he was truly remorseful for what he did but he wasn't about to let himself get off free.  
>"James!" Melissa called to him sternly but yet relieved. He looked to her for only a second, before returning to his previous position. The brief look was long enough to see the fresh wounds from Kendall. His face was swollen but it was hard to say whether it was from the wounds inflicted by Kendall or from James' crying.<br>"Don't bother with me, I'm not worth the effort. I deserve this." He said softly  
>"I'm not going to let you do that. Granted what you did was wrong, but there are other ways to go around this."<br>"No there isn't! There is no excuse for what I did." he began as he got up "There is no way to turn back time. I cant apologize enough for what I fucking did to her! I've ruined her life, there's no fixing that!"  
>"James, I-"<br>"How can I ever look her in the eye and tell her everything is alright? I betrayed her trust, I was supposed to protect her. How can I protect her when I was the one who hurt her? I don't want to live on this planet anymore, knowing what kind of monster I am! I want it all to end." he said back loudly before hitting the bars. Melissa stood back in surprise at his behavior. Officers swarmed the cell and put James in handcuffs before taking him away as he fought a little yelling back at Melissa.  
>"We're going to put him in a different cell, away from others. He needs a psychiatric evaluation most likely. We'll contact you with any details of if we need your help." an officer said as he escorted her to an elevator. She made her way back to the hospital only to be greeted with Carlos and Logan waiting outside. Carlos had been crying and Logan couldn't have looked more broken-hearted. They didn't notice her until she said their names.<br>"What happened?" She said worried. Carlos couldn't begin to speak before he broke out in tears again. Logan took a deep breath before running a hand through his hair.  
>"We were sitting together having a good time. A nurse came in to do a few things so we had to leave for a while. We went to go get something to eat from the snack machines and when we came back, heard yelling and screaming." He paused as he tried to keep his composure. In between breaths Carlos continued the story.<br>"She…She was going crazy. She was in the corner of the room, screaming and attacking the doctors out of nowhere for no reason…" Carlos recalled  
>"She was scared, Carlos, I told you that." Logan said.<br>"That's not her, no way that's the Katie we know. She would never lash out like that!" He argued as tears rolled down his cheeks.  
>"She was admitted to the psychiatric ward for further observation." Logan added. He tried to say more, but the always calm, cool and collected Logan, couldn't take it anymore and let the tears flow. Melissa stood as they let out their emotions, she was about to reassure them when Logan lost his cool and punched one of the hospital windows. The sound of the window shattering made everyone around them, inside and out, stop. Logan stood there, with his fist inside the broken window as the blood ran down his wrist and pooled on the floor on the inside of the hospital. The receptionist called for an orderly who came out within seconds and forcefully brought Logan back inside. <p>

**_*AN* I didnt write this chapter all at once, and in fact had gotten stuck on it in numerous occasions. Consider this a bit of a filler chapter. I had been focusing on James' remorse, and Kendall's fury but I had yet to talk about the mental damage it had on the victim. If I want this to be somewhat realistic, I got to think about that. I didnt make it to detailed on account I ran out of space, I might add the details of the victim 'going crazy' in a later chapter or as a separate one. I'm also trying to give equal air time to all four members. I try not to play favorites but depending on the story sometimes one guys seems to fit the scenario better in my mind. _**


	9. Chapter 9

_***AN* Alright, so I got a POV from Katie going on in this chapter. It adds a little bit of plot but nothing to major. Most of it will be connected with future chapters. this chapter covers the scene that Logan and Carlos come back to and describe at the end of the last chapter. Its a little short but I just couldnt continue with it anymore where I felt that it would be good enough. **_

_**I'm going to be honest, this chapter might repeat itself in some places, I was trying to capture as much feeling as I could but as I wrote, i was concentrating on the emotion that I wasnt thinking about repeating myself.** _

(Katie's POV)  
>Despite what I had gone through mere hours ago, I was having a blast in my hospital room with Logan and Carlos. They made me forget my troubles, all of the guys had a way of doing that. Despite being pretty big stars, they always made time for me. I never had friends as good as these; I could trust them like no other, the protected me and watched out for me. Or at least I thought they did. Granted what James did was unforgivable, I feel as though I know it wasn't his fault, he wasn't being himself. Something in him had snapped. The look in his eyes just wasn't the same sparkle I always saw. I was scared because he was hurting me, he's a tall, muscular guy and he was holding me down by my wrists with all his weight. In the back of my mind I was somewhat enjoying myself, let's be honest anybody who loved BTR would have fantasized about themselves with one of the guys in bed. And I had, but I just wasn't expecting it. it's the body's natural response to enjoy it whether you are or not so I suppose it's kind of hard to say for sure.<br>I just…I just don't know what to do now. I feel pretty calm about it now, I felt like crap before, like why it had to happen to me.  
>The guys had to leave the room for a while when a nurse came in to do some follow-ups. It was only going to take a few minutes, so the guys decided to get something to eat, we had been here for a few hours now. Melissa had already confirmed that BTR wouldn't be able to make it, although I don't know what she had said about me being MIA.<br>I sat back and relaxed as the nurse did what she needed to. She was busy talking to me that I didn't hear the footsteps of another person coming in. I was looking at the nurse, doing what she was asking me. She grabbed the curtain and I heard it open. I felt a man's hand on my shoulder and next thin I know, I'm backed into a corner scared for my life.  
>The thing is, as much as I was scared, the adrenaline pumping through me was unreal, I wasn't seeing clearly at all. My surroundings, the people, sounds, nothing was connecting as real or safe. All I could think of was danger. I didn't want to be pinned down and feel helpless again. I never wanted to feel the way I felt as James held me down, his weight atop my chest, making it harder to breathe. I didn't want to be raped again. I didn't know what was happening but I didn't want to wait to find out what and that have it be too late. I wanted to fight off what ever was hurting me, to get the first blow to get ahead. I was angry now, I wanted to get rid of the threat, I would of killed if I had to. I was never one to fight, I would be the one to scared to fight. I would flee to the best of my ability, but never face my attacker. But this, this was different.<br>The more people tried to get closer, the more I fought back, I remember screaming, but it only made me stronger. I couldn't breathe, I felt like I wasn't getting enough oxygen, which made me even more scared. What was happening? I felt like I was replaying this morning. My chest was heavy and my extremities were going numb. I was afraid of being hurt again. I was grabbed from the corner and pinned by a heavy force. I fought for my life as I thrashed and screamed. I kicked, hit, and bit anything I could. I was eventually let go and I ran as fast as I could. It wasn't far before I was caught and held again.  
>This time I couldn't fight, the force was too strong , and I, too weak. I gave the last of my strength to free myself but succeeded in only landing on the ground with a thud. I couldn't move and I began to feel pain, and lots of it. I was scared out of my mind that I was going to die where I lay. My vision remained blurred and sound distorted but I could hear faintly, my name being called. I was exhausted and no longer had the strength to move before my eyes became heavy and I drifted into a deep darkness.<p>

_***AN* I tried to describe a feeling of being trapped and scared. It might not make too much sense. I would believe that after a traumatic experience, something like this could happen with a certain trigger. Being raped might mean that if a guy sneaks up behind you, you might freak out. or if you were beaten after being cornered you might try to fight your way out. **_

_**As for the ending when my character goes to sleep, I might have made it too quick but it wasnt medication that brought her down. after falling to the floor, she was pinned by staff and exerted the last of her strength to escape but to no avail. she lay there starting to 'chill out' but still in a daze/rage. Once coming out of it (ie-no more adrenaline), there was just no energy left and her body quit.**_

_**I do feel as though there should be more to this chapter but at the same time I feel like it would be misplaced in another chapter.**_** (I'm talking about what exactly she did like other than thrashing and running, what objects (if any) did she pick up and use/throw or who did she injure? did carlos/logan try to stop her or were they stunned? What was going on in 'reality' while Katie was in her own world?)**_** Maybe I can describe it real quick in a dialogue between characters or just as an explanation paragraph. I can even just add it to the end of this and let you, the readers, know and you can check it out.  
><strong>_


	10. Chapter 10

_***AN* 2 POV's in this chapter. somewhat redundant but I needed a little more filler. I'm not quite ready to move on to the next chapter quite yet. It'll be a few days or even up to 2 weeks before the next chapter. I'm a bit unmotivated and overwhelmed with the amount of work that needs to be done. Dont worry, this wont go unfinished. ** _

_**An****yway these two POV's give a little more detail on the outburst my character had and some emotions from the guys themselves****. I dont think I will be doing any more POV's, this story should be coming to an end in the next few chapters. Instead of doing a recovery or an "after" kind of thing I may just do a sequel or even a short epilogue? I havent decided. I did a sequel already and the sequel got 3 hits and the original got none. Imagine that ! lol. We'll see. Maybe I can get some feed back on what my readers might like. I'm still debating on doing an explicit version of the rape. In the story I never even described James getting naked and the rape itself was just suggested and never 'happened' in writing per say. This AN is getting a little long, I split it up, so make sure you check out the AN at the bottom (If you even read AN's that is!).**_

(Logan's POV)

What the hell was going on? Here I am sitting on a gurney in the middle of the ER being treated for severe lacerations. Why? Because I lost my cool and punched a fucking window. Since when did I ever lose my cool? I just need to breathe, causing physical damage to myself or the hospital isn't going to solve anything, although at the time it felt like it just might help. I just couldn't control myself anymore. First James ruins the bond we all had; violating everyone's trust, then Kendall is in jail, and now I realized just how damaged Katie was. I couldn't handle seeing her like that. I wanted to cry but, I've always been the 'toughie' the one who never lets emotions get the best of him. Guess I was wrong, I let everyone down now I bet. I went to bury my head in my hands, only to be met with a searing pain coming from my right hand that made me jolt back up. Fuck that hurt. It was bandaged thinly but tightly to see if the bleeding would stop or if I might need stitches. There was blood seeping through on some parts but I couldn't tell if I was actually still bleeding or not.  
>Every now and then, despite keeping it still, a surge of pain would pound in my hand then surge up my arm. A nurse came by soon enough and took off the bandages. I hadn't gotten a good look at it until now but I did pretty good job on it. My hand was swollen and starting to turn black and blue. I was walked over to a special area and a fresh tub of ice water was waiting for me. They put my hand under some running water, gently cleaning the surface and checking for any glass. The window wasn't really glass, it was more like plexi-glass I guess. I went through it but it didn't shatter like a normal window, although there were quite a few small fragments that fell.<br>The cleaning hurt quite a bit despite them being gentle. They had me put my hand in the ice water while they gathered supplies. My hand throbbed the entire time. I was starting to get a pain in my arm from the chill of the water too. After about a minute, my hand was out of the water and dried. One nurse started working on my hand while another asked me some questions. I couldn't help but scream as a searing pain emanated from my hand. I sprung out of the chair, nearly toppling different things over while clutching my hand and yelling a very audible expletive out into the hallway for all to hear. I settled down quickly almost in a fetal position as I sat through the pain in silence.  
>"I'm so sorry, I should have warned you!" the nurse said worried. I looked up at her and mouthed 'its ok' in a bit of sarcasm. She just stood there watching me as I wiggled through the rest of the pain before I let her continue fixing my hand. She made sure she was extra gentle but the worst was over. That topical ointment may be the best thing to promote healing and cleaning but I'm not going to lie, that hurt like hell.<p>

(Carlos' POV)  
>Here I am sitting in the waiting room…again. This day has gone from bad to worse, and right when I thought it couldn't get any worse. I'm falling apart on the inside. Unlike Logan, I can express my emotions a little more easily. I know it gets in the way sometimes but I cant help it. I feel like I'm not helping though, just by sitting her and feeling guilty. Why can't I just get angry? Inside my mind I want to destroy something but I just cant bring myself to do it. Who am I kidding? I couldn't even bring myself to help Katie, as she went crazy. Seeing her so scared, I should of helped her but all I could do was just stand there, dumbstruck as she thrashed about and running. The hospital staff pinned her down like she was some sort of animal. She could be restrained to a bed somewhere alone for all I know. I let her down, when she needed us the most. God, I'm so fucking useless! I was starting to get anxious and didn't realize how loudly I had gotten up when my stuff went flying. I walked out of the hospital without a word. I didn't get far before security had stopped me. I guess they were called to control us. After Logan's outburst, they didn't want anymore trouble caused. Melissa followed me out and urged me to come back inside. I reluctantly followed her inside and sat a few chairs down as I did some more thinking. All I could think about was the scene that had played out in front of me. I don't know how or why it started but when Logan and I came back, there was staff all over the place. We could hear a loud commotion but couldn't really see anything. When I saw Katie backed into a corner, trying to fend everyone off with different pieces of medical equipment, I was shocked. I couldn't imagine what had gotten into her. I saw her run for her life, like she was being chased by a murderer. She was so scared, she couldn't breathe. She was strong though, she fought off several people at one time. It was probably only a few minutes before she tired herself out and staff were able to catch her but to me it felt longer, and I couldn't imagine what it felt like to Katie. Especially when she just couldn't fight anymore. She probably thought she was going to die and gave up her will to live. I buried my head in my hands trying to shake the thoughts from my head. I never wanted to see her like that again. This was all James' fault. I don't think I could ever forgive him for what he's done to my best friend. I just want to see Katie and hold her, I want to tell her everything will be alright and it will never happen again. But…will she believe me? Will she trust me? What am I going to do if she doesn't?<p>

_***AN* I was looking at my story stats and this one has the most views/readers. This wasnt one of the original stories I was going to write, this one actually popped into my head a few weeks ago and isnt even on the list of plot lines to write about. I can understand why this has the most hits: Mature rating, sexual content and angst. When I read stories these are some of the qualities I look for when finding a fic to write. but I kind of feel bummed that my other stories barely have anything. This one has 800+ hits and the second highest has 54 hits. I write to make myself happy, to take me from reality to a fantasy when i'm feeling down or stressed out. I use writing to get away from it all, like many writers do. I've been told by several professors that I have great writing skills, but I'm writing professional papers. I want to know that my writing skills are just as good in free, imaginative, and fiction writing. What ever I write whether its professional or fun, free and silly; do I posses the same skills? even with all the hits, I get little feedback. I dont want to ask for reviews, I'm surprised on the number of hits I have and am truly grateful. trust me you couldnt imagine my surprise at the number of hits I had gotten. It was a true shock. Of course it is just a small number compared to some of the more 'popular' authors on the site but its a start. Maybe eventually I will get large hits on all my stories. I write for me not for my audience although feedback is surely welcome as long as its constructive. I may take it into consideration or I may not. My stories seem to suite my fantasies just fine. I'm still just starting out in writing, for the public; once I upload/create more stories, I'll probably have something for everyone. Just remember that I DO understand why this one is most popular, like I said I often search for one of the a fore mentioned criteria or a combination. its an interesting topic sometimes.**_


	11. Chapter 11

_***AN* While writing this chapter I had to stop several times and then think about where I wanted to go or think about where I had left off. That's why this chapter may be redundant in some parts or boring. Not too many chapters left, still thinking about how I want to end it as far as having this continue or breaking it up into a sequel. But even then there are a couple of different ways to end the story do i want more suspense? Do I want a shock? Do I want Happily ever after? I dont know. I may do all sorts of ways just to challenge myself.***_

Carlos and Melissa were in the waiting room. Logan had yet to be released. Carlos was deep in thought and Melissa was resting just a few chairs down. A doctor came out and talked with the receptionist real quick before she pointed to the two of them. He approached Melissa and spoke lightly.  
>"Miss?" he asked. Melissa opened her eyes to see the doctor and got up straight away. Carlos saw her movement out of the corner of his eye and got up in a flash at the sight of the doctor. "You're the legal adviser of Katie?"<br>"No. I can get her. Melissa stated  
>"No!" Carlos said loudly<br>"Carlos I have no choice." Melissa began  
>"Please don't call Liz, she wont keep this a secret. You out rank her! Please, Please don't call her." He pleaded. She sighed<br>"Alright. I won't call her." she said defeated but sympathetically. Liz had a strict way about her, Liz didn't like her job, it was as plain as day but unless she quit, she couldn't be fired for another year. Whenever possible, Katie went to the other advisers such as Melissa. It wasn't hard, Liz was never around or easy to get a hold of anyway. "Doctor, what is the news?" she asked turning to him  
>"First off, my name is Dr. Harolds. Is Logan Henderson in your party as well?'<br>"Yes." came Melissa's reply.  
>"Great. He's alright, no major harm done. He'll need a few stitches and about 2 days rest followed by slow re-introduction. Even though there was no serious damage, its best if he keeps it as immobile as possible for a few days to give the skin a chance to heal together. If he re-opens the wounds there is a chance of infection. He'll also need to change the bandages about 1-2 times a day." He paused as he looked around "it's getting a bit busier in here, so why don't we continue our discussion in my office?" They followed him silently to his office which was surprisingly a short walk. They got comfortable before Dr. Harolds continued. "Alright. Well now, Katie's condition isn't unusual but its not good. She definitely needs psychiatric help before she leaves the hospital. She'll need to stay a few days before the evaluation as well. She's obviously suffered severe emotional and mental trauma which is why she had that outburst. She'll need some therapy to break her of any fears, especially of men. If I'm correct, Katie works with Big Time Rush?"<br>"Yes." came a shocked reply.  
>"I thought so. My daughters are big fans. Don't worry, I'm a faithful doctor and none of this will reach the media by my hands. In any case, she suffered some extensive injuries during her rampage. It was such a strong anxiety attack, her body couldn't handle the level of energy she was calling for. She has some bruising, minor lacerations, muscle tears and maybe a few stress fractures. This was why she just collapsed, her body couldn't fight anymore despite having the energy to continue. However the damage had already been done. It's reversible, don't worry. A week or two of rest and she should be good as new!" He said cheerfully. Carlos had mixed feelings. He was happy she was going to be alright, despite hearing the news but he was still down.<br>"Oh, by the way, we're still going to need samples from the other two gentlemen to compare against the seminal fluid we have."  
>Carlos cringed at the Dr's words. He got up abruptly and left without a word.<br>"I can understand his frustration. I suggest coming back late tomorrow morning. Katie will be asleep for a while as she recovers. It'll give you time to take care of everything else."  
>"Thank you doctor." Melissa said getting up<br>"No problem. Good luck to you." he replied as he opened the door for her. Carlos was sitting on the floor just outside. Melissa enticed him up and they went to check on Logan. He was sitting in a room not far from the entrance to the ER. His hand was bandaged as well as half his forearm and put in a high sling in order to keep it immobilized. Minutes later, Logan received his discharge papers and the trio were on their way to the venue. It was well past 4, the concert had most likely started. The guys wondered what was going on and how everyone was doing. When they arrived, Nick stars and agents were in the bus park. The show was post-poned for a few hours. They had no idea what was going on but didn't want to count Katie out just yet. The other stars swarmed up to the car and then backed off, concerned when only Logan and Carlos emerged from the car. The didn't want to answer any questions, and the hoped to god, that no one asked any. The made it apparent that they didn't want to talk and made their way to their buses. The other stars couldn't help but wonder what went on earlier in the day, we're they in some horrible accident? Were Kendall and James in the hospital fighting for their lives or worse, were they dead? They had only heard about BTR's absence and nothing about Katie's, what was her story? Was she alright? So many questions could be seen in everyone's eyes, as some of her closer friends began to tear in preparation of the worst. They hoped Melissa knew something but at the same time did they want to know? The agents were gathered and the stars were dismissed to their buses. They refused to go and followed the agents and managers to the traveling meeting room. They were forced to wait outside as the agents made their way inside. Melissa then relayed the day's events in order and told them of possible outcomes. She told them everything she knew. Once she finished it stayed silent for a long time before they began to discuss how they were going to fix this without having any media sources find out. They had to be discreet in going to and from the hospital and Police station. It was obvious that the stars were no longer allowed to go, especially since Logan and Carlos may have been seen already.


	12. Chapter 12

_***AN* I will be updating a little less frequently. Midterms and spring break are just around the corner. I'm not losing interest, just losing time for about 2 weeks. Also I need to take a breather and work out how I want to end the story or how I want to do it. This will be the main reason why I may go a few weeks without updating, just a heads up. I apologize for this in advanced but as any fellow writer knows, sometimes you get writer's block or change your mind. Input is more than welcome of course but dont be offended if i dont take your advice. Enjoy this chapter none the less!** _

Carlos followed Logan onto the bus to help him get settled. He greeted the dogs with a smile, he felt so down but they still made him happy. It wasn't long before reality snuck back in though. They sat in the back lounge, just trying to get away from everyone. They already knew they would be sitting this show out but figured if anybody needed them, they would know where to look. Logan switched on the TV and both stared blankly at it, not really registering what was going on, on the screen in front of them. They just used it as an excuse to sit in silence as their minds began to haunt them with thoughts. They hadn't heard Melissa knocking on the door. She entered the unlocked bus and made her way through, following the sound of the TV. She saw them staring into space.  
>"Boys." she said softly. It was enough to call them out of their heads and they turned to her. "The other agents and I did some talking and with things they way they are right now, its best if we cancel the tour for now. Or at least put it on hold. If we can handle everything without too many flaws then we can resume."<br>"I don't want to work with James. I don't even want to see his face" Logan blurted out adamantly"  
>"Ditto." Carlos agreed. Melissa said nothing in response. She didn't know how to fix this but what was important was everyone's health.<br>"Listen, back to what I was saying. I know you have already performed once without Kendall. But, this is totally different. Carlos cant do it himself."  
>"I can still perform!" Logan interrupted.<br>"You will not." Melissa silenced him. "Even if you could, its best you don't. We don't need questions surging. Not yet anyway. As of right now, it has already been announced that BTR will be unable to perform tonight due to unexpected conflicts in scheduling."  
>"What about Katie? How are you going to explain why she isn't here?" Carlos asked, getting testy.<br>"None of the other Nick stars know anything of today's events. We'll tell the audience that she is sick and eventually break it to the other stars either of the incident or that she's hospitalized."  
>"Their going to find out eventually, if they go to see her." Logan said non-chalantly<br>"No one is allowed to see her." Melissa said  
>"WHAT?" Carlos and Logan said together. Logan stood intimidating and Carlos swung himself around on the couch.<br>"We cant run the risk of patients or doctors seeing Nick stars and spilling it to the media. This is NOT something we want to get out to the world." she explained. They sat silently, knowing she was right but they felt almost heartbroken they couldn't see her. They wanted to be there when she woke up to let her know that they love her and she could still trust them. That not all guys are bad. Or at least that was what they were hoping would help, they knew it was best left to the professionals but they just wanted their friend back.

The next morning, Melissa set out bright an early with a team of lawyers and advisers to the county jail. The team sat down and did paper work as well as talked to the officers and specialists on the case of the two boys. It was nearly 2 hours before the first half was done.  
>"Alright, everything is going smoothly and in order. There are no charges being filed against Mr. Schmidt at this time so he is free to go." a female officer said<br>"No bail?"" asked an adviser curiously.  
>"No, ma'am. When asked, Mr. Maslow denied pressing charges against him. If charges were filed then he would have to be bailed out." she explained.<br>"Well that's great news." Melissa said.  
>"Let me go get him for you." the officer said before leaving the room.<br>"Will any of this be on Kendall's record?" Melissa asked another officer.  
>"Depends on a few things that I can't disclose at the moment. For the most part, I don't think it will." he answered. After a few minutes Kendall was walked into the room. He was trying to keep up with the officer but she had him at an odd angle and had to walk tilted. His face lit up when he saw familiar faces. Before he could say anything he was un-cuffed. He looked confused before the officer told him he was free to go.<br>"Really?" He said surprised. He looked at the advisers. "you couldn't get me out sooner?" He asked as politely as possible.  
>"You're lucky you're out at all. James refused to press charges on you. Besides a night in jail cooled you off no doubt? It should have done wonders for you." an adviser said.<br>"I was scared shitless. I never want to do it again." Kendall pleaded.  
>"Alright then." Melissa said. "that just Leaves James Maslow." Kendall turned from them scoffing at the sound of James' name. "Kendall, enough. I don't want to hear it. Don't start."<br>"Ah. Ok, according to our records James was sent to the hospital's psychiatric ward. He refused to eat and resisted force. He then said several times that he "didn't want to live anymore." and he's "a monster". He's under an arrested suicide watch. Police are with him while he recovers. You are more than welcome to go see him."  
>"Thank you." Melissa managed to say. It was clear she wasn't thrilled at the news. Kendall gave a little empathy as well he wasn't expecting him to go crazy. Or at least not like this. Kendall was brought back to his bus despite fighting with his advisers that he wanted to see Katie or at least know what was going on with her. No one would tell him anything. He was forced out of the car and left as the car sped off. He chased them for about 100 ft before standing there and watching them go. Defeated, he walked to his bus, it was unlocked to his surprise. He walked in expecting to see the bus full of life but instead it was quiet. He wasn't sure if the others were sleeping or not so he just jumped into his bunk as quietly as he could. He was tired. He had a cell to himself but he didn't sleep at all. In a matter of minutes he was out like a light. It only seemed like he was asleep for a few minutes when something woke him up. He groggily looked at what was waking him and saw it was Logan.<br>"What do you want Logan?" he said a little curt.  
>"Kendall, its 2:30 in the afternoon." Logan replied. Kendall shot up in bed nearly slamming his head. He checked his clock and it was indeed later than he expected. He got back at around 10. He shook his head in an effort to wake himself up before rubbing his face and groaning. He slid over and dropped to the floor to stretch.<br>"Thanks." Kendall said to Logan.  
>"No problem. Tough night I take it." he responded.<br>"It was unreal. I didn't sleep too much. I didn't get any food either, I'm starving." he said as he raided the fridge. Kendall was so preoccupied with finding food, he didn't notice Logan's injury until he turned to sit on the couch. "Dude what the hell happened!" He said loudly.  
>"I…uh..." he paused. He didn't know what to say, he had no idea if Kendall knew of Katie's status in the hospital. "I lost my cool. I was pissed about yesterday. I'm fine, nothing serious, just a few stitches."<br>"Has Katie seen you yet? She'll rip into you." Kendall said with a chuckle. Logan laughed lightly with him.  
>"Nah. She hasn't seen me yet." Logan said.<br>"Where is Katie? How is she doing?" Kendall asked. Logan didn't know how to respond. His mind went crazy with things to tell him. "I don't know actually. Melissa sent Carlos and me home in an effort to avoid any media attention. I havent seen her since yesterday."  
>"Oh. Makes sense. I'm going to see if she's in her bus." Kendall said as he took his sandwich and was heading out the door. "You want to come?"<br>"Sure." he said happily. He knew she wouldn't be there but if he didn't go, Kendall might start to see through his lies. They made their way over pretty quickly. Logan worked through explanations in his head to tell Kendall when they found the bus empty. Logan knew it would have been best to tell Kendall the truth, but he had already been through enough and it was best he not learn the truth for as long as possible. The bus was locked and Kendall started calling her name up to the windows, but they were shut.  
>"Hey, you got your keys?" Kendall asked Logan.<br>"Uh, yeah." he said handing his keys to Kendall. He opened the door and went to run in but stopped suddenly and called to her again.  
>"Katie! I'm coming in." He announced. He was trying to be careful in an effort to avoid scaring her. Logan was surprised a little bit. Kendall saw her room open and went back to it. The room was exactly the way they left it yesterday. He turned to Logan who was in the middle of the bus "Where is she Logan? Tell me the truth, now."<br>"She's still at the hospital" Logan said without hesitation  
>"Is she alright? What's wrong?" Kendall began drilling<br>"Nothing, they just wanted to keep her for more tests. She did have some injuries from trying to escape from James. That's all I know for sure." Logan explained. Kendall was silent for a moment looking Logan in the eyes.  
>"You could have just told me. I care about her too, you don't have to protect me or my feelings. I'm calmer now, I just want her to get better and be alright."<br>"I know man, I'm sorry." Logan apologized. 


	13. Chapter 13

_***AN* Still on a bit of a hiatus, I'm working the kinks out of the remainder of this story. Midterms are this week and spring break is next week. i'm not going anywhere or doing anything fancy like many college students, so I may be able to get some work done. I dont know what exactly I'm doing this week. BTR themselves are coming to Connecticut Thursday March 1. I wasnt able to get tickets, sadly. Ebay, stubhub and other sellers had extras of course but for 5x the amount, per ticket! I could barely afford a ticket at the regular price. Tickets sold out in about an hour for CT. I thought maybe the prices would come down a bit but so far no luck. Surrounding states are the same as well. One seller was selling tickets for $4,000! I wouldnt buy that even if I did have the money, who knows what those people are trying to pull. The thing is, if they have these tickets to sell because they have extra, they are just going to be worthless after the show; you would think they would sell them off and lower the prices. The other reason maybe that they are fake tickets. It happens. I just wish I could go, who knows when and if they would ever come back to CT. No one good ever comes to CT and if they do, its just once and they never come back... :(**_

The Nick girls had since left Rhode Island to their next show, clueless of what was going on with their friends. BTR had stayed behind since things still hadn't cleared up. They knew they wouldn't be going on without James, even if they wanted to. But they sure as hell weren't going to budge until they knew Katie was alright and coming with them. Kendall still had no idea of Katie's condition and they all could just about care less about James at this point. However, if they knew exactly how James himself felt and what he was going through, they may have changed their minds. The rest of BTR's tour was post-poned for the most part, although there were some venues that cancelled altogether and would reschedule if and when there may be an opening.  
>Logan was up bright and early as usual, he never slept much on the bus and today was no different. Carlos was up shortly after; being the light sleeper that he is, he heard Logan stumbling around. Kendall was sound asleep and would probably be out for another few hours, even though he crashed early last night. Carlos and Logan were in the kitchen whispering amongst themselves, mostly about Katie and James. They had no idea of James' predicament and they wanted to know how Katie was. They were discussing on when and how to tell Kendall. He had been asking about her but they made it a point to distract him from it until they could figure out a way to tell him. They wanted to go see her but remembered that they were banned from the hospital unless for an emergency. Normally they would go regardless of the 'rules' they were given but this time was different, they didn't want this getting out. Not for the sake of the band but for Katie's dignity.<br>A knock on their door paused their conversation. Logan answered to find Melissa behind it. He was stunned by the bright light of the sun and could barely see her; only by her voice did he recognize her and urge her inside. She could tell they just woke up, the bus was quite dark; the blinds were down and bunks a mess. Before she could speak Carlos spoke.  
>"Shhh. Kendall is still asleep. He doesn't know anything yet."<br>"We just haven't thought of a way to tell him yet without him getting upset. He's already on edge since we can't go see her." Logan added.  
>"Oh. Well that's why I am here. I came to say that you guys CAN go visit now, but you will need to do it sparingly and incognito. I don't care if you wear wigs and dresses, just don't be recognized and don't go together."<br>"I ain't wearing a dress; I get enough of that on the show…" Logan said.  
>"Nevertheless, you guys can go see Katie if you'd like to. Just keep in mind, she's still out, last I heard. You can go after 10am." Melissa said with a smile. Carlos and Logan lit up at the news, they couldn't have been happier. They kept their celebrations down to a minimum in an effort to not wake Kendall. They still didn't know how or what to tell him. Melissa reassured them that everything would be fine. She offered to tell Kendall herself or have one of the doctors explain once at the hospital. Melissa left them to get ready for their day as she did other work. She had to keep tabs on James' condition as well as get some items for the other guys. She was going to bring them back some wigs, hats and other accessories to hide them from the media. It was only just after 9 and with Kendall still asleep, they most likely wouldn't go without him. She returned in about 20 minutes with the supplies, to her surprise it was rather rowdy on the bus. Kendall had begun to stir so Logan and Carlos no longer made an effort to be quiet. They gathered the costumes and clothes they wanted and Melissa shook Kendall awake.<br>"Let's go Kendall, rise and shine. I have a lot to do today and I know you want to go see Katie so up and at 'em!" She said. Kendall groaned an almost inaudible 'five more minutes' before snuggling his pillow. "Kendall!" She yelled as she began to hit him, lightly at first. He began to stir and move. "Come on Kendall, get up. Katie's waiting."  
>The words rang through his head and finally registered what she was saying. He sprang out of bed and got dressed within minutes and was out the door before anyone else. The others followed a now impatient Kendall as they made their way to the hospital. Once they arrived, they went through different entrances and met up in the main lobby before Melissa led them to the psychiatric ward. Kendall followed silently not knowing where they were going, but once he saw the psychiatric pavillion he could stay quiet no longer.<br>"What's going on?" he asked loudly. The others turned to him with stunned looks. He caught them off guard. "Well? Why are we here? Someone better fill me in right now. What did that bastard do to her?"  
>"Kendall its not like that…" Carlos began. But Kendall paid no mind, he was close to being in a rage now.<br>"Kendall don't start. She's fine. All patients that have this type of accident end up here for an evaluation. But you need to calm down."  
>"I'm sorry. You're right." he sighed defeated. They continued on and were let in immediately and led to Katie's room. It was dark and she was still asleep. Kendall noticed all the machines immediately and just sighed. He knew there was something more he was just hoping his friends would tell him. He didn't want to get mad, not here, he didn't want to hurt Katie anymore than she already was. He turned to his friends silently and just waited for one of them to explain. Logan and Carlos both looked away, unsure of how to start. Melissa finally began speaking.<br>"Katie suffered some severe psychological damage from the attack. She never went into a shock and when treated she became fearful. She's afraid of being touched, especially by men and during one of these episodes she suffered some physical damage as well, trying to get away. She was so scared she became confused and blind to her surroundings and didn't recognize it as help. Her fight or flight instincts kicked in instead, as she tried to flee, the amount of energy she was using was more than what her body could handle and in what she thought was the struggle to survive, she suffered muscle tears, massive amounts of bruising and stress fractures." she paused. Kendall stood in silence looking at his best friend, lying motionless and broken. "Kendall…remember this wasn't your fault. It wasn't anyone's fault…" she began  
>"Except James. He did this to her!" he called out frustrated. He grunted and ran his hands through his hair in an effort to just take a breath and calm down. It worked for the most part. "Is she going to be ok?" he managed to say.<br>"She's going to be fine. She'll be sleeping a lot until she heals a little bit then she'll be on her way to recovery. Doctors say there may be a chance that she wont even remember the events that happened when she wakes up." Melissa said. The three boys looked at her in disbelief yet hopeful  
>"Really?" Carlos squeaked. Melissa nodded. They all felt such relief even though they knew they weren't out of the woods just yet.<br>"Its only a possibility. There is a chance that she could remember everything in vivid detail still and need counseling."  
>"What if they made her sleep longer?"<br>"That's just it, she is only sleeping; she's not in a coma. If she was in a coma her subconscious wouldn't be as vivid or active as it would be when she is just sleeping. Her mind is still working itself rapidly as normal. It would still be working in a coma as well but nothing would be clicking so to speak." Melissa tried to explain as best she could. She was no doctor, but they made it sound so easy sometimes. They stayed silent for a minute before she spoke again. "James is just down the hall if anyone would like to see him." No one moved. Melissa figured this would have been the response to his name but she was hoping they would care enough to let it process that he was in a psychiatric ward. "He's on a suicide watch. He refused to eat and threatened not to want to live while he was in jail. He's strapped to a bed being force fed through IV's." There was still no response as she watched the boys look at Katie. She waited and hoped for any indication that what she was saying was getting through and that any of them had even the smallest amount of decency to care. She had lost hope in rekindling their friendship after no one responded and left disheartened to get some air.  
>She made her way down to James' room where she was met with several officers keeping close watch on him. He was still a criminal technically speaking. Until there was written papers signed by Katie as to whether or not the charges will be filed, he was under arrest. She walked in and James immediately looked away.<br>"Go away Melissa. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I don't want to be free and clear. I don't want to live anymore and there isn't anything you can say or do to change that." He scoffed. He was more irritated than anything at this point. He didn't like being restrained and being treated like a crazy psycho criminal was obviously getting to him as well. "I just want to know how Katie is doing from time to time. I'm prepared to go to prison, I just want her to know I'm sorry and never meant to hurt her like that. I know asking her to forgive me is a long shot and I'm not sure if I deserve to be forgiven; this isn't something that we can just forget ever happened. I ruined everything for everybody. We were all living the dream and had so much fun. And now because of me, its all gone…" He turned to her. "Please? Please promise me you'll keep me in the loop. I want to make sure Katie stays at the top and that her career isn't ruined."  
>"James, I-" She began.<br>"Please Melissa!" James pleaded, eyes filling with tears  
>"I promise." She said. She told him the condition of Katie and the possible outcomes. He couldn't help by cry at the beginning. The torture it would have taken to make her that way put him over the edge. He didn't want to hear anymore but he thought of it as a punishment to himself and suffered through. Once Melissa got to the better news, he brightened up a bit. Now all he could do was hope for the best, that's all he wanted now. <p>


	14. Chapter 14

_***AN* WOW this chapter got long! I'm sorry about that, I suppose I could have cut it in half or something but I wasnt sure if I should or not. I did say a few chapters ago that the chapters would be getting longer. I myself dont like to read long chapters which is why I tend to keep them at about 12-1500 words or so. I'm still working out the kinks, I'm kind of just letting the ideas flow (which is one of the reasons why this chapter is so long in the first place!). I have quite a bit of homework to finish up before the week's end but I'm so unmotivated! Also still trying to find tickets for the BTR concert this week. I heard about ****the new summer tour but I dont want to waste my summer waiting for it to come!**_

_**This chapter has a little bit of humor, its almost unnoticeable. if this story was shorter then it would have been just drama but I felt that because this is dragging on in a way it needed some filler humor. I want to say that I know about animal medicine more than I do human medicine, so anything you see in this chapter, may or may not be correct. And if it isnt correct...I dont care lol just have fun reading it. :)**_

James went through his therapy sessions resentfully. He would be in the hospital for another few weeks before he could become an outpatient. Down the hall, Katie had started to regain some of her strength and was awake more. She was in some pain and given morphine to keep her calm and pain free. Days went slowly by for both of them. Kendall, Carlos and Logan didn't visit everyday like they wanted too. With BTR cancelling and postponing shows and Katie missing several performances, the media was on the lookout for anything suspicious. They could go every few days and one at a time, as long as they were incognito.  
>Because she saw them so rarely and out of order, Katie never questioned why James didn't come to visit. She had no idea that he was a few doors down. She also didn't know she was in the psychiatric ward. She was asked numerous questions everyday as part of the evaluation and passed them with flying colors. She thought it was just normal procedure and never thought much about it. She was happy when the guys came to visit or when she had any visitors at all. It got lonely in the hospital and boring. She understood why they couldn't come as much but she was beginning to wonder, why were they coming at all? Didn't they have a tour? The scenery outside and the hospital itself didn't look familiar at all. She had been to the LA hospital several times whether it was her or one of her cast mates and this wasn't it.<br>A nurse came into her room later in the day.  
>"Hello Katie. How are you feeling?"<br>"Alright." Came the usual response.  
>"Good."<br>"Where am I?" she asked. The nurse looked at her concerned. "I know I am in a hospital and I know that I'm here for some accident but I mean what's the name of this hospital."  
>"Rhode Island Hospital." she responded relieved.<br>"Rhode Island?" Katie said confused. Why was she on the other side of the country? She sat in thought as the nurse finished up and left. Something wasn't adding up but she couldn't remember too much. She pushed it aside and thought nothing of it; it wasn't long before she fell asleep.  
>She was woken up early the next morning. Well not too early it was about 9:30 but that was pretty early to her. She had her first physical evaluation today, along with some therapy. They were going to test motor skills, balance and all that good stuff. Since she was in bed for almost a week, they started off slowly and then built up. Katie made fast progress and was soon ready to take her first run. It had been about an hour and they didn't want to rush things so they waited to see what her reaction would be to the exercise and start again in a couple days. The guys hadn't visited in a while and it made Katie's days longer without visitors. Carlos came the most, often staying the longest. Kendall and Logan were about the same. James had yet to come. Melissa hadn't shown up in a few days either. Katie figured they might've gone back to touring but why didn't they say goodbye? She found herself laying in the hospital bed, mind buzzing with thoughts, trying to piece things together, when Lunch had arrived. She ate it with little problem, then flipped on the TV. There weren't many channels at all in the hospital but luckily Nickelodeon came through and she watch Bucket and Skinner's Epic Adventures for a few hours. Dinner caught her off guard, she wasn't aware of how the time flew by. She ate it slowly as she watched TV and fell asleep.<br>After a days rest and no complications, Katie was allowed to go on to the next exercise. She was wheeled down to physical therapy and began fresh.  
>She was given several small tasks and she lost interest quickly, she was bored with the menial tasks. She moved on to other tasks that held her interest a little more. Her nurses were on their walkie-talkies but she didn't pay much attention. She was focused on the puzzle she was standing in front of, she didn't notice the silence. Something covered her eyes and she couldn't see, a voice saying "Guess who?" didn't have time to react before Katie swung around and knocked the person off balance before flipping them over her shoulder. Almost immediately another set of hands grabbed her shoulders in an attempt to stop her from panicking and moving but instead, Katie wrapped her leg around the other person's and knocked them off their feet, going down with them. She landed on top of the person with a thud and elbowed them. She got to her feet in a matter of seconds, just in time to see a third set of hands coming after her. She wasted no time in grabbing them and throwing her weight as a counter balance and slamming the person into the wall. She turned with a snarl and locked eyes with Carlos who she deemed to be another attacker. She darted towards him in an attempt to strike but he just stood there too shocked to do much else, as she tackled him to the ground. He yelled out in pain and Katie came back to reality. She looked down at Carlos, who was wincing in pain; she had him by the wrists hard enough to leave marks. She was confused as to what was going on and got off him quickly.<br>"Carlos! Carlos are you alright? What happened?" Katie asked worried. Carlos looked up at her with a smile  
>"I'm alright, just a little pain is all. Are you ok?" he replied.<br>"I think so, what's going on?" She asked. She heard a noise behind her and saw Logan staggering to his feet. Next to him was Kendall curled up in a fetal position. An orderly was sitting against a wall, looking dazed. "Logan?" she said confused. The nurses were silent as they tended to the victims. Melissa and a psychiatrist approached her.  
>"Melissa! Maybe you can tell me what's going on?"<br>"I…They…" She stuttered. She didn't know what to say or how to put it. The psychiatrist helped her out.  
>"Katie, you have severe PTSD. What happened here was a result from it. You have a fear of being trapped or touched by men unannounced." the psychiatrist said<br>"But why? How did this happen? I would never want to hurt my friends!" Katie rebutted  
>"Its not just your friends, its anyone. You went through some sort of event that caused this reaction. Its curable but it's going to take some time. As of right now, this response is drilled into your instincts and will take a bit of work to get rid of it." She explained. Katie was unsure of how she felt. She knew something was a miss but she never could have guessed that it was something like this. She had no problem before. She was hugged and handled by so many people including men. Yeah she jumped when they snuck up on her but… Why all of a sudden did it escalate to something like this?<p>

Logan had gotten out of the sling a few days before. He still had the stitches in his hand and was healing nicely. However he was back in the sling when Katie flipped him; she had popped his shoulder out of the socket. Carlos had some back pain but nothing serious, a few days rest would do the trick. Kendall was sitting in an exam chair, feet up, in his boxers with a bag of ice on his crotch. He had a bruised hip and a twisted ankle from the fall but also got elbowed in the groin. He was on the floor for quite a while before he could move even a little bit. His tight jeans had to come off in an effort to reduce constriction. Kendall sat in his chair embarrassed , head in his hand holding the bag of ice with the other. He felt totally exposed even though he was wearing a hospital gown. He felt silly in the spread eagle position he was in. Logan was sitting in the room with him and Carlos was sitting in a cushioned wheelchair. Kendall glanced over to Logan and saw him grinning at the site. Kendall wasted no time in flipping him off. Logan couldn't help but chuckle.  
>"Come on dude, you got to admit you look pretty silly right about now." he reasoned with Kendall.<br>"I feel like an idiot…" Kendall replied as he tried to reposition himself "OW!" he yelled before grabbing his groin and groaned.  
>"Be careful Kendall." Carlos warned<br>"Easy for you to say. My balls feel like they are on fire…" Kendall said softly as a nurse walked in.  
>"How are we feeling?" She asked, as she shuffled through some paperwork.<br>"I'm feeling alright. A little sore." Logan answered  
>"Me too." Carlos said<br>"Uhhhhnnnn" Kendall moaned in his fetal position.  
>"You'll feel better on your back, Mr. Knight. Its going to sting for a while, but you should be just fine. You may not be fertile for a few months however, if you are sexually active, you should always use protection." The nurse said<br>"Uh huh.." Kendall groaned as he tried to reposition himself. The last thing on his mind was sex. Not only because of the pain in his groin but because sex reminded him of Katie's rape. How can he enjoy something after James made it so dirty?  
>"Also, were roomy boxers for a few days to avoid any irritation. I also suggest taking it easy for a couple days. You're not going to want to walk anyway; you should stay off that ankle" she continued. "Alright then, here is a prescription for Mr. Mitchell and one for Mr. Garcia. I just need you to sign these forms and you boys are free to go. Carlos and Kendall, you two will be wheeled out." The guys signed the paperwork and waited for some orderlies to escort them out. Melissa already had the car pulled up out front. Carlos was positioned in the front seat with some special pillows. Logan slid into the back and Kendall limped in after him. He was still dressed in a hospital gown since he was unable to get his jeans back on. Melissa took off as easily as she could and tried to make the drive as soft as she could. They made it back to the bus in one piece with little problem. Their bus driver, Todd, was waiting to help the boys on. Logan managed on his own but couldn't really help. Melissa guided Carlos as he walked slowly and carefully to the bus and up the steps and Todd helped Kendall, who was having trouble trying to get comfortable and move on the crutches he was given without having a shooting pain run up his spine. He finally managed to just shuffle and limp to the bus and Kendall just used Todd as leverage to lift himself up each stair.<br>Once they had gotten settled, Melissa got back in her car and drove off. Todd followed her. The bus couldn't stay at the venue anymore and had to move on to a hotel or campground. Not knowing how much longer they were going to stay, Melissa signed them into a campground at a much cheaper price.  
>Melissa had spread the news to the other agents; the guys' phones were ringing and vibrating constantly with calls from the other stars wanting to know what's up. The other agents filled the stars in as best they could without giving away big and nerve-wracking details. It was clear, Katie was going to need a lot of help in order for her to feel better. The question was, what about everyone else's sanity?<p>

After a few days, Carlos was walking around with no problem although still taking it easy. He wasn't allowed to work out, run or do too much just yet; including bending over. The pain was lessening even without pain meds and now he was just getting antsy from being cooped up so long, he couldn't even take the dogs for a walk. Kendall was up and around as well. He had gotten used to the crutches and when he cot frustrated he was able to hop along the bus without problem. Logan was still getting used to the fact that he only had one arm to use. He had to be waited on when it came to getting food. As much as he tried, Logan couldn't make himself a sandwich without making a huge mess.  
>They were getting on each other's nerves too. They were frustrated that they were stuck in Rhode Island because of James. They wanted to leave without him but they couldn't. But at the same time they didn't want to leave Katie behind all alone. They were worried about her too of course, after witnessing a second panic attack. It was going to be a long recovery process for her, she was going to be transferred to a recovery ward back home in her home state of Connecticut. But she was going to be in the hospital for at least another week. Katie eventually had some of her memory return after a few therapy sessions, she was confused at first, not knowing if they were real or not. After it was confirmed that they were, all she wanted was to see James. It was the first time they saw each other since the incident and James didn't want to see her. He hated himself not her, he didn't want to see the look of hurt and betrayal in her eyes. He was cuffed to the bed and couldn't resist any force used against him.<br>"James…" Katie said softly. She had walked to his room on her own accord despite his wishes.  
>"Katie…Katie I-" He turned away.<br>"Please look at me. Talk to me." She said softly. He turned to her and looked into her eyes. Her eyes were emotionless. He couldn't see the hurt, he couldn't see the life that was always in her eyes.  
>"Katie I'm sorry!" he blurted out. "I know I could never expect you to forgive me for what I did but please believe me when I say I'm sorry. I don't know what came over me, I'm a monster and don't deserve a friend like you. I could never come up with an excuse good enough to explain why I did what I did. There is no excuse. I just want you to know that I'm sorry, forget about me and just live on with your life. Be happy knowing that an animal like me will be behind bars, never to hurt you again. Make me suffer, it's the only thing I deserve now. Be the star you always wanted to be."<br>Katie stood silent as his words sank in. She didn't know how to respond. She wasn't sure of how she felt of much of anything for that matter. This whole thing just didn't seem real.  
>"I heard about what you're going through." He said. She looked at him. "Or rather what I did… Melissa told me. I knew that the other guys wouldn't talk to me let alone tell me anything. I begged Melissa to let me know the pain I was causing everyone as a means to punish myself. I'm already in the loony bin so it doesn't fucking matter if I get depressed or suicidal anyway. The world would be better off without people like me…"<br>"James, I don't really understand what's going on to tell you the truth. I couldn't remember much of anything. I could remember you guys and that we were on tour but as for why I was in the hospital I couldn't recall anything. I'm regaining my memory bit by bit and I just….I'm lost. I don't know if I can believe what I am remembering or what people are telling me." She replied. "Why?"  
>James looked at her confused.<br>"If everything is true, then why? Why would you do something like that to me?" she asked. James stayed silent trying to think of an answer. He didn't know himself.  
>"I don't know. I honestly really don't. I remember going into your room to find your keys, I was locked out of the bus. You were sleeping so I tried to stay quiet. I looked all around and then…I cant remember. The next thing I remember is being knocked on my ass by Kendall and Logan. I was so scared, shocked and confused. I didn't know what just happened but they were drilling into me and you…I saw you on the bed and I didn't want to wait around to find out what was going on. I didn't want to know the truth. But Kendall made sure that I knew what I did. And I regret it with every ounce of my being. But its not enough, its not going to change what happened, its not going to make it go away, its not going to make either of us mentally stable!" James said. He got louder during his speech and at the end was just about yelling. His regret and depression were genuine but like he said, there was no going back. Katie's psychiatrist told her that facing her attacker is usually difficult but it's the best medicine. Katie was having no problem looking James in the eye, in fact she wanted to see him since she started gaining strength. Maybe it was the fact they were so close and she couldn't remember anything that made it easier to face him. Or it could have been the fact he was handcuffed to the bed and couldn't move and therefore she felt safer. Who knows? Katie was conflicted to say the least. Everything they had been through made them like a close knit family, how was anyone supposed to recover from something like this? James would never be welcomed by the other members of BTR. They would rather give up their fame then to continue working with someone they hated. Katie feared that if that happened, she would go back to CT, out of a job while the others stayed in LA and like all of her other friends, they would vanish and leave her in the past. She wasn't sure what to do, either way, it was her that was going to suffer in the long run.<p> 


	15. Chapter 15

_***AN* This is tentatively the last chapter; meaning I may add another chapter. For the most part I like where it is leaving off however I will most likely be adding alternative endings, epilogues, and further detail chapters such as the rape itself, to the end of this story or as separate stories. If you are subscribed to this story, then I will be adding the announcements/chapters within about 2-3 weeks. This story, having a difficult subject, can go several ways because of the circumstances. They could become friends again, they could hate each other, Someone might quit or commit suicide etc. I'll work through all the endings and see if I can write about all of them or just certain ones. So far my stories in the Big Time Adventure series havent been going in chronological order so if someone does get killed off, it wouldnt be the end of the series.***_

Nickelodeon executives and Big Time Rush production team flew out to meet the touring team once they heard the news. They tossed ideas around of what to do; they already knew that Katie would be heading home to CT but what were they going to do about the tour? They could continue the tour with only three members but it may not go over well and questions may start to rise. The answer was to cancel the tour, whether or not they would reschedule could be dealt with later. The guys needed rest to heal from their injuries and that wasn't going to happen while they were within 5 miles of the hospital Katie was staying at. The executives made the final official decision and the agents made the arrangements to get everyone home. James would be in custody here in Rhode Island until he was mentally sound and could stand trial. The charges filed against him were automatic but could be dropped by Katie at any time, however it was unanimous that this was a serious matter and they were going to leave it up to her. It could go either way.  
>"No way!" Carlos defended.<br>"I'm not going anywhere." Kendall agreed.  
>"Really? You're just going to cancel the tour and send us home? What about Katie?" Logan fought.<br>"Katie is going back home and so are you. Its best for all of you. There isn't any point in fighting this, we can do this the easy way or the hard way but either way this is the way its going to be. Now I don't want to hear any more about it." One of the Nick Execs ordered. The guys sat back in their seats defeated but frustrated. They felt helpless now. With the tour cancelled, fans were going to wonder what was happening. Katie had already missed 4 other shows from the girls' tour and questions had already risen. If the cast of BTR is no where to seen, its going to stick out.  
>"None of this will hit the media. No one will know about Katie. She's going to be fine, BTR as a whole will be fine." Melissa reassured them. They stayed silent.<br>"It's settled then. You boys leave for LA tonight." The exec said as he turned to leave. "We'll see you in a few days for another meeting"  
>They didn't say anything and just sat there in thought as everyone left. They were under house arrest and couldn't even say goodbye to Katie.<br>"Who knows how long it will be before we see her again…" Carlos spoke up.  
>"I know. And when we do see her, who knows what she'll be like." Kendall pondered. They sat in silence for a little before the sound of the bus' engine starting shook them of their thoughts. Carlos and Logan got up quickly and ran to the front while Kendall fumbled for his crutches. They saw Melissa and the exec out the front window giving signals to Todd. In a panic Logan ran down the bus stairs but it was locked. He kicked the door as the bus started to move. They both started yelling to stop the bus and let them out but their cries and pleas went ignored. Kendall crutched over to the front window and pressed himself against it before hitting it with one of his crutches. He saw Melissa look remorseful, but stern. It was for their own good but they were all upset they were tricked. The bus made its way onto the road and They gave up trying to get out. Kendall tossed his crutches in anger and Carlos hit the table. Logan slid to the floor and put his head in his hands. They took to their bunks and lay in silence for hours before the bus rocked them to sleep, exhausted from the day.<br>A bumpy road caused, Kendall to wake up a little bit. A large pothole shook him awake. Groggy, he checked his phone it was almost 6 in the morning. It took him a few seconds to realize where he was and his heart skipped a beat when he remembered they left Katie and James behind. He checked the GPS on his phone and saw they were in Virginia. They had a ways to go before they were back in LA. They were going to be on the bus for days. He rolled back over to try to fall back asleep but his mind kept spinning with thoughts. The hum of the bus was rather soothing in a way though and he was soon hypnotized back to sleep.  
>Katie was discharged from the hospital and was on her way to her new temporary home in CT, just a few hours away. She didn't know how long she would be there, all she knew was she was going to be all alone. She couldn't bring anything with her, no outside communication. She didn't see how this was going to help her get over or manage her PTSD. If fear caused it, she was going to be afraid that she was alone and no one cared, it was going to cause more problems than good. She was already down, Melissa stopped by with a Nick exec and told her the guys were forced back to LA. The tour was cancelled and she didn't even get to say good bye. She was scared at what was happening and all because of her. James was discharged the same day and sent to spend a week in a psychiatric hospital for an evaluation. He was showing signs of improvement after talking with Katie. He talked more and wasn't having severe mood swings. He would spend the week talking with therapists, before a final decision would be made if he was fit to stand trial or not.<br>Katie was brought to a bus depot and was sent on her way, she wasn't alone though, a bodyguard was with her to make sure she didn't get hurt or try to run off. She had her own room and the facility was quite large and looked to be somewhat luxurious. Nickelodeon spared no expense, they wanted her to recover and return to work as soon as she was able. They wanted her to feel comfortable. She was somewhat upbeat at the sight of the place, and the staff seemed friendly enough, it was a women's hospital and the staff was only women. The only men on the grounds were security, landscapers and a few maintenance personnel but they were never allowed inside the facility, except during emergencies. The campus had several hundred acres of land and had its own resort and spa as well as several fun activities such as horseback riding. Katie loved animals and that made her happy. She didn't ride much, she didn't have her own horse and preferred to ride Western, but most places offer only English. There was much to do but Katie figured she would still become bored after a few days or a week. She was given a day to explore the campus and settle in; then therapy started the next morning. It was going to be a strict regimen but would give the best results quickly. Her body guard left her to the facility and she began her journey on the road to recovery. 


	16. Chapter 16

_***AN* I had originally titled this chapter as the epilogue on my computer but as i wrote I felt it flow more than an epi would so it became another chapter. so surprise! i think I can fit a few more chapters in before an epi, if I create one. I'll change this story back to an in-progress story and continue on. Spring break has pretty much started for me yesterday but I have 2 papers to write, a test to do-over and a worksheet that is 90 questions to do. I would rather write more story than the papers but I got to do the others first I suppose. I have over a week for spring break just because of the way my classes were scheduled and the way the weather worked out, its snowing today then an ice storm tomorrow. BTR themselves are coming to CT tonight/tomorrow for a performance tomorrow night so be sure to keep them in your thoughts and hope their bus driver takes it nice and slow as well as the fans coming to see them. i'm unable to go, I couldnt get any tickets and it saddens me...**_

_**Be sure to check the AN's at the end of the story for some explanations, disclaimers and such! :)**_

Katie had a rocky start at the campus but overall faired well. She had a few setbacks including bouts of depression as well as fear of isolation and social anxiety. After a long 5 months, her PTSD was well under control. PTSD is hard to completely sure without amnesia. She might suffer from flashbacks or nightmares and freak out but the chances were much slimmer now. After being dismissed from the psychiatric hospital she enjoyed her home state for a few months as she recuperated physically. Nick execs kept in contact with her once she was released to keep her updated on what was going to happen with the show or tours. She was asked if she would be willing to do a segment on their segment "The Big Help" on their TeenNick network on her story. She said she would consider it and if she said yes, it might be a while before she was really ready to talk about it. They gave her all the time she needed.  
>Because Katie wasn't fit mentally as far as her PTSD goes, she had forfeited the option to drop the charges against James. He had passed his psychiatric evaluation and was fit to stand trial; he was processed quickly and pleaded guilty. He was given lenience based on some fame but mostly his remorse. It was clear to the judge, that James acknowledged his mistake. His daughters were big fans of BTR and knew the circumstances behind James and Katie. He was sentenced to 1 year in prison.<br>The other three, enjoyed some much needed time off. They had healed up quickly and were as good as new. The days went by slowly at first and then sped along as they tried to clear their minds. They went their separate ways for the time being whether it was to another country or just hanging out at home with friends. Katie was still on their minds, just not at the top. They weren't allowed to visit or stay in contact with Katie in the psychiatric hospital but as soon as the heard she was out, they flew out to see her. They didn't know where to begin looking, they didn't even know where she lived. A quick call to Nick studios and use of a GPS got them to her house in about a half hour.  
>It was a modest place, average sized house and yard; both were in need of some upkeep. Paint was chipping off the house and some of the siding had begun to slip away. The wood, paint and other materials were several different shades from sun and other weather damage over the years. Several overgrown bushes and trees lined both the front and back yards. An old decorative well stood dilapidated next to a rusty and bent flag pole. The walkway to the front door was uneven and full of broken stones. The backyard had a patio that was falling apart in many places. Rusty metal chairs lined the patio as well as some old home-made pieces that showed weather damage. The backyard was pretty spacious although lined with overgrown bushes and weeds. Fencing lined only one side but pieces of leftover stockade fence were clearly visible on the outskirts.<br>The drive way was small but still managed to fit 3 SUVs. Both sides had concrete retaining walls, one of which was haphazardly put together after it had clearly gave way. The driveway itself was full of dips, cracks and holes; it was wider at the entrance and got narrower as it went towards the house. An old, blue, rust covered blazer was in one corner; it was easy to see the vehicle was way past its prime. Paint was chipping off, chunks of metal had fallen off and rust was spreading all the way around the car. It had a couple of small dings and scrapes. A large plow was attached to it, it was summer time and the threat of snow had long since past. The plow used to be a vibrant yellow, but like the truck, the paint was chipping and rusting away. In a few places the rust was so bad that one could see through the plow. This truck was definitely a working vehicle but it was clear that it was almost unusable.  
>A car was missing from the driveway, as grease and oil stains gave away, from the space that was left it would have had to have been a smaller SUV. On the other side was another vehicle. It looked worse for wear as well. It was covered in mildew, dust, pollen, leaves and everything else mother nature could throw at it. In some places it could be seen that the car was green, a nice hunter green. Katie's favorite color. A small protrusion on the driver's side door, caught the attention of Carlos. He walked over and wiped his hand against it; it was a magnet. He gently chipped away some of the dirt to reveal a white magnet with black letters that read "CAUTION K-9".<br>They made their way to the front door and rang the doorbell. Noises could be heard inside and Kendall could see a large black dog charging the door. The dog stood at attention at the door for a moment trying to gather a scent. He turned and faced what appeared to be a staircase. He barked twice and waited before charging upstairs. They could hear more barking and then saw the dog run back down the stairs and slid into the front door with a thud. Shortly after they could see someone coming down the stairs. The door opened to reveal Katie in a dog trainer's uniform. They met eyes and Katie screamed with delight, opened the screen door and jumped into their waiting arms. They caught each other in a group hug and couldn't have been happier.  
>After a few minutes when everybody got their chance to greet each other, Katie offered them to come inside. She knew it was a long trip from LA and offered to make them some lunch. Inside, the house was pretty well kept. There was some dust and cobwebs in the hard to reach corners of the room, the wallpaper and paneling was clearly aged. Tiles were chipped from wear and tear but bright and shiny. A couple of bags and boxes lined the far corner of the room in a heap. They grabbed a seat in the living room, while Katie made them lunch.<br>"Make your selves at home. You can see that I don't care about a mess." Katie invited. The black dog was now at her feet, just staring at the visitors.  
>"Is this your dog, Katie?" Kendall asked.<br>"He is. This is Shadow. He's my best friend." She said as she pet the dog. Shadow looked up at her and wagged his tail for a second before turning back to watch the visitors.  
>"Come here, Shadow" Carlos called to him. Shadow stayed by Katie's side.<br>"Shadow, go see." Katie said, pointing to Carlos. Shadow walked over and sniffed him before he put his head in Carlos' hands. Shadow made his way around the room, inspecting each guy before heading to the kitchen with Katie.  
>"Get out of the kitchen." Katie said. The guys heard her and were confused at who she was talking to. They were about to respond when Shadow walked in and laid down on the floor in front of the front door. Katie ended up making a batch of tacos. She brought in the tray of toppings and they each made their own. She sat on the couch next to Logan. Shadow followed her in and sat in front of her as he looked around.<br>"Someone's hungry." Logan said as he broke off a piece of taco shell.  
>"Don't feed him. Shadow out." she said calmly. Shadow made his way back to the hallway and ignored them. They ate their lunch somewhat quickly as they laughed and joked. They had a grand time. They filled each other in about what was happening with themselves and the showtour. The Nick girls tour went on just fine, questions did arise but a statement was released saying she needed time off. Granted she got flack for it, as people called her a diva and that she didn't care about her fans, but she wasn't ready to release the details. It was just an excuse for the tour, no one would see her until the show started back up. The third season had ended last year and production was supposed to start 3 months ago, but with James in prison it wasn't going to happen for a while. The feelings they had for James were…neutral to say the least. They weren't all that mad at him but they hadn't quite forgiven him yet. It was going to be tough working together, they had considered quitting but they all had contracts to make at least 5 seasons of the show. They were prepared to put their feelings aside for the sake of the show and their fans; they had come this far and deep down they weren't prepared to give it all up just yet.

James stared at the ceiling of his cell. He did it a lot through out the day but he used the time for a lot of thinking. Obviously being in prison there wasn't going to be a lot to do. There was a library but the books were so old and boring, he could only read Encyclopedia Britannica so much before he was bored to death. He was able to get outside once a day and he used that time to keep fit, he'd run a few laps for a half hour and lift weights for the other half. He got used to being in prison, he had been there for just over 7 months now. The only thing he hadn't gotten used to were the other prisoners. James may have committed a felony but he was no criminal and the other prisoners knew that. Many didn't know who he was but there were the select few who had children or were still fans of Nick after all those years. He didn't tell anyone what the crime he committed was, he just took a submissive/neutral stance and stayed out of everyone's way so he wouldn't get involved in anything. He was looked down upon but some of the criminals that knew who he was. They may have committed serious crimes like drug cartels or murder but their children were the apple of their eye and they were truly disgusted that a child's role model was in prison. James wished he could just say it was an accident but he knew there was nothing accidental about what he did.  
>His thoughts were interrupted by noise outside his door.<br>"Maslow, at attention!" a voice called gruffly at him. James did as he was told, he didn't want to get on anyone's bad side. It was an oxymoron really; a good criminal? Either way, he's seen his fair share of prisoner TV and news. He didn't want to be pepper sprayed, beat down or worse, put in solitary confinement. He didn't want to go through anymore psychological warfare. As soon as he was on his feet and hands visible the guard entered.  
>"Surprise inspection." he said. James put his hands on his head and walked to the other guard waiting outside. He was forced against the wall and pat down. He kept his position until he was cleared. This wasn't his first inspection; there wasn't a set schedule they were really at random or when a threat could be lingering.<br>"Clear!" the first guard said. The 2nd guard led James back inside and left, leaving him to his thoughts again. James stomach began to growl. He put a hand on his stomach and tried to ignore it. He was hungry but the food was horrible, it was tasteless and he felt sick after eating it. He was forced to eat everyday, whether he wanted to or not. He just wished he could eat something else. With a little under 3 months left, he looked forward to the day he was free again. One of the first things he wanted to do was to get some real food, even if it was fast food, he didn't care at this point. His stomach growled again, he looked around his cell for the clock out of habit before remembering he didn't have one. He looked out the window of his door to look at the skylight. He learned how to estimate the time by comparing the position of the sun and what activity was going on at the time. He gathered that it was almost dinner time in about another hour or so.  
>He was lost in thought when a buzzer caught him off guard. The buzzer alerted a section to exit their cells and file out to whatever it was they had to do, in this case it was dinner. James made his way downstairs to the cafeteria and waited in line to get his rations. His 'food', and he used that term lightly, was splattered on a tray and shoved down the line to catch. Today's mess was just that, a mess. Some unidentifiable and most likely inedible mystery meal. He sat down at a table in a corner and took one bite of his food before dropping his spoon back on the tray. It was even nastier than usual . He wasn't sure if that was possible. Guards stood at every door and other guards made rounds. James pretended to eat the meal and slowly. He was forced to eat several times when he first arrived and it was torture. Guards kept a close eye on him during meal times to make sure he ate everything. A guard, doing his rounds, was walking towards James so he made it apparent that he was eating his food. He took several bites before the guard past him. He was focused on the guard that he kept shoveling in the food, each bite was worse than the last and eventually he couldn't take it anymore. He coughed up what he hadn't swallowed, dropping his utensils in the process. The commotion he was making caught the attention of the passing guard he came back to him.<br>"Maslow! Quit making a mess or you will be on kitchen duty. I'll have you scrub each table with a tooth brush!" the guard yelled. James paid no mind as he choked slightly on his food, He continued to cough and pushed the tray away.  
>"I don't think so, you will finish this food!" he yelled to him, pushing the tray back. Another guard came over to assist. James had since stopped coughing and refused to eat anymore. The guards forced him to finish and reluctantly James began to eat the rest.<br>"Swallow!" a guard yelled when he noticed James taking a long time to chew. James tried as hard as he could to swallow but it was rather difficult. He put a hand to his mouth and closed his eyes and finally managed to swallow hard. He opened his eyes and began to pant at the energy it took for him to eat one bite, tears began to form in his eyes from the foul taste. He was given no mercy and had to keep eating the next bite was just as bad if not worse. He took a third bite and it didn't make it to the back of his throat before he started coughing. He hung his head to the side of the table as he threw up his meal. The energy it took him to regurgitate took its toll and he had passed out briefly. He woke up less than a minute later laying on the floor, legs draped on the bench he was just sitting on. The guards were looking over him and yelling for him to get up. He was dazed and confused, his vision slightly blurred. He couldn't comprehend what was going on. He felt tired and weak; he couldn't move. He could hear the voices fading before all he could see was black. 

_***AN* Shadow is my dog. I am a dog trainer/canine science teacher. My house is described somewhat truthfully here; there are cobwebs in the ceilings but no one can reach and I'm afraid of heights to get on a ladder. I'm not ashamed of dirt, I work with animals and its part of the job. I'm not a girly girl and not afraid to get dirty. My car described in this story (the green SUV wit the caution k-9 magnet) is not that dirty, my car is just about spotless with the exception of the board runners and tire/ tire casings. once it gets warmer, i'll give it a nice detailing it deserves. I described what it might look like after 2 and 1/2 years of it sitting in my driveway as my character was in LA shooting the show/touring. The blazer I described with the plow is truthful though; metal death trap!**_

_**i want to clarify that i do not know much, if anything about the human body from a medical POV. Anything described in past, future, and present chapters is purely fiction and made up. I do not know what symptoms go to which ever ailment I may use.**_

_**Also, I have never broken a law or been to prison, so any prison depiction is purely fictional and from my imagination no matter how realistic or fake it may seem.**_


	17. Chapter 17

_***AN* I might be updating the details of the story soon. James seems to have taken the lead of this story although the others are in it as well. Not sure If I will update the summary thought, I'll most likely keep it as a warning. Speaking of warnings: Character Death may be included. It could be James or it could be a suicide of someone else or everyone could make it out alive. Dont know yet. Just a word of warning.  
><strong>_

_**Be sure to check the AN's at the end of the story for some explanations, disclaimers and such! :)**_

James had passed out on the floor of the cafeteria. The guards yelled at him and kicked him to get up. They got frustrated when he didn't move and picked him up. He was dead weight in the guards arms and they just dragged him away. They were pissed at him for his antics, making them look like fools and causing a scene. They brought him to solitary confinement and dropped him on a bed before swearing at him.  
>"You better shape up Diamond! This kind of shit will get you no where!" the first guard said. He slammed the door shut leaving James passed out in the dark. The next morning, breakfast was delivered; it was later then when everyone else gets served. The guard buzzed the door and unlocked the tray door, before sliding the tray in. He buzzed again to tell James to come get his meal. The guard was not allowed to talk to James at all and if he had problems, to just leave. After a third buzz the guard left taking the tray with him and locking the tray door. He came back about 6 hours later with lunch and went through the same routine. As punishment for his misbehavior, he went without dinner and the following day's breakfast. By the time lunch had rolled around again, two guards had come down this time to deliver his meal. After buzzing three times they unlocked the door to raid the cell only to find James lying on the floor unconscious in pool of his own vomit and blood.<br>"Son of a bitch…" one of the guards said before rushing to his side. There was a very faint pulse. "Call for an ambulance, NOW!" he ordered. The ambulance was there in minutes, and did quick work before rushing him to the hospital.  
>Once there, he was in the ER for several hours. Corrections officers were waiting just outside the trauma room James was being worked on in. A doctor finally came out.<br>"He's in pretty bad shape. He's very malnourished and his body doesn't have what it needs to function. He had gone into shock and had at least 1 seizure. Brain scans show that he may have had a stroke. He also has a few broken ribs and a punctured lung. He's in a coma on life support and the outcome doesn't look good. Honestly I don't think he will make it through the night." the doctor said gently. The corrections officers were disappointed. They had expected the guards to have better judgment and care of the prisoners; they were still human beings after all. The guards were in very deep trouble and would be brought to court but first things first, they had to call his next of kin to let them know in case they wanted to say goodbye.  
>James' heart broken parents arrived within a few hours to spend the last few hours of James' life by his side. He couldn't hear them but they both had a lot to say to their son. They let him know that they loved him, they made them proud, they forgave him, and that they would miss him. They let him know that as much as it hurt them to see their baby boy go, they were ready to say goodbye so he wouldn't be in any more pain. It was alright for him to go, don't worry about them. They promised him they would see him again one day.<br>The minutes ticked by slowly and James' parents were getting antsy. Their son was suffering in some way, without life support he would be suffering a lot more, but with it, it was just prolonging his life without the pain. That option was obviously better but still, they wished for some sort of miracle to save their son. The doctors didn't know if he had any brain damage or other long term/permanent damage unless he woke up which the chance was already miniscule. Minutes turned to hours and the hours changed day to night. His parents were by his bed side all day and refused to leave. They were urged to get food but refused, they wanted to be by James until the very end, they didn't want him to die alone. It was late into the night before they both fell asleep. A nurse doing her rounds, checked in on the family. She checked all of James monitors and readings and also cleaned up a bit. She gathered the barely touched trays of food when a paper floated to the ground. It was the main line number to Nickelodeon. The nurse took the number and went back to her station. She took a deep breath before dialing the number. The line rang several times before a man answered.  
>"Hello?" he said a little short.<br>"Hi, is this Nickelodeon Studios?"  
>"Yes it is. Can I help you with something?"<br>"Yes. I'm calling from Rhode Island Hospital-"  
>"Rhode Island?" he said curtly. "Oh right James was there a few months ago…What seems to be the problem?"<br>"Well I found this number laying on the table. I believe his mother was going to call, but she had fallen asleep. James Diamond is in very poor condition; doctors believe he won't make it through the night." she began. There was a short pause. She could hear a thud on the other end and other noises as well. "Sir?" she asked wondering if he was alright.  
>"I'm still here…" he replied breathless. "What happened?"<br>"Doctors are still trying to piece his test results together as well as gather information from the county penitentiary where he was brought in from. I'm afraid I don't know too much more."  
>The man sighed into the phone.<br>"That's alright. Thanks for calling. I'll be sure to pass the word along. Before you go, could you tell me what time it is there?"  
>"It's 3:30 in the morning, sir."<br>"And how is James?"  
>"He's still with us, but still in a very poor state. He has about a 5% chance right now. If he makes it to morning his chances will increase but not by much."<br>"I see. Thank you."  
>"You're welcome, sir." The man hung up the phone and the nurse followed. She sat at her desk for a minute before getting a pen and writing a note for Mrs. Diamond about the nurse's chat with Nickelodeon. She then returned the note and continued with her shift.<br>The Nickelodeon exec the nurse called was the CEO. He sat at his receptionist's desk for a moment thinking about the news he just received. He was disheartened, despite claims of being a money hungry company, he deeply cared for all his stars. He was at a loss of what to do, it was well past quitting time at the studio and he was on his way out the door when the phone rang. He thought for a moment and figured he ought to spread the news. One of the first people that would need to know was the producer of BTR as well as the team, the other starts were going to need to know too. Like the nurse had said it was 3:30 in the morning so calling Katie was out of the question. He wasn't sure if the guys were still there or not so he thought he would give them a call, but they would be last. He called his receptionist to find out where all the information was for everyone. She told him what he needed to know and offered to come back to help, he sounded distraught. He told her what was happening and she said she'd be there in a few minutes. He went back to his office and began calling everyone that needed to know. Once finished he left his office to see his receptionist asleep on the couch. It was 4am, he was tired too and had dozed off a few times himself. There was only one group left to call. He wasn't sure if BTR would want to talk with James even if he was on his death bed but he thought that Katie might. It would be about 7am in CT and would only take a few hours for her to get to RI. He called the hospital real quick to check on James condition. He was still alive, but barely. As soon as he got off the phone he called Katie's cell. He tried twice but it just kept ringing. He looked up her house number and tried hoping someone would answer. It rang twice before the answering machine came on, he was tempted to hang up but he stayed on and left his message.  
>"Come on Katie pick up! Katie this is Nate, from Nick studios, pick up if your there, its urgent." he said. He heard crackling and fumbling on the other end, someone had picked up. "Hello? Katie?"<br>"Kendall."  
>"Kendall? What are you doing there? I called Katie's house right?" he said confused as he looked at the book in his hands.<br>"Yeah you did, she's sleeping upstairs."  
>"Go wake her up, this is important Kendall." he said urgently but not trying to sound mean or gruff.<br>"Sure." He put the phone down on the table, Carlos and Logan were awake with all the racket.  
>"What's going on, Kendall?" Carlos asked sleepily.<br>"I don't know, the CEO wants to talk with Katie." He said as he tried to get past all the stuff on the floor. He made his way up the stairs 2 at a time and jogged to her door. He knocked and called her name but when she didn't answer he opened the door slowly. She was fast asleep in a heap of blankets and pillows; Shadow at her feet. Shadow was awake and watching him. Kendall greeted him and let him sniff before petting him, he was rubbing Shadow's neck and he was leaning into the massage.  
>"Katie." He said softly "Kate!" He said a little louder. He made his way over to her side of the bed and went to place his hand on her shoulder. Shadow jumped from his position and placed his mouth on Kendall's hand in a warning before letting go and growling. Kendall jumped back in surprise.<br>"Oh shit!" he called out. "Katie!" She woke up quickly from him calling.  
>"Shadow." She called gently. He stopped and looked at her ears back and tail wagging before crawling all 70lbs of himself on top of her. "That's my boy." she cuddled him and gave him a kiss. "Did he get you?"<br>"No just surprised me."  
>"What's up?"<br>"Telephone call for you. it's the CEO of Nick." Kendall said. She looked at him for a second confused as to why he would be calling. Her heart began racing s thoughts went through her mind. Was she fired? Did the incident get out? She reached behind her to plug in her home phone and picked it up.  
>"Hello?" she said. Kendall watched as Katie just listened on the phone. Shadow had crawled to him for more pets and Kendall obliged, Shadow was only protecting Katie as she slept and had no grudge against Kendall. He was startled when Katie screamed. He looked to her to see her crying. Shadow was at her side immediately for comfort and Kendall stood silently as she continued to cry, listening to the CEO on the phone. His mind filled with the same thoughts, was she fired? If so, he would fight for her job, maybe even quit. He was sure Logan and Carlos would too. They cant replace all of BTR and still expect to keep it going.<br>"Thanks for calling…" she choked out before hanging up the phone. She cried harder before Kendall could say anything. He let her catch her breath before talking.  
>"Don't worry Katie, we wont let Nick fire you without a fight."<br>"That's not it…" she said.  
>"It isn't? Well that's great news then. What happened?"<br>"…James is dying…." Katie said in a whisper. Stunned Kendall couldn't say anything he just pulled her into a hug and consoled her. Carlos and Logan came upstairs after hearing her crying.  
>"What's going on?" Logan asked 'Katie what's wrong?" She wiped away some of her tears and took a breath before she told them the news. She grabbed a tissue from her nightstand as they absorbed the news. They were upset at the news. They hadn't forgiven him yet, even though Katie was better and the whole incident had just about blown over but he was still their best friend. Katie told them all the details she could. They stood motionless as she described his condition. After a moment of silence she spoke up.<br>"I'm going to visit him. I'm leaving in 10 minutes." she said as she exited the room.  
>"We're coming too." Kendall said.<br>"Then lets go, don't waste time, his condition is really bad. Every second counts, let's move!" she ordered. The 4 adults ran through the house gathering their most important things, leaving the rest of their stuff scattered about. They took turns in the bathroom just taking care of the essentials. Hair, deodorant and a few breath mints could be done in the car. They were all in PJ's still, and just covered up what they needed too, and slid into sandals before running out the front door in a frenzy. Katie locked her door before running after them. She buzzed the electric lock on her car.  
>"Help me clean the car real quick, I wont be able to see!" She unlocked her garage and grabbed a bucket and rags. She tossed them to Carlos and went to fill the bucket. She came back in a minute and they each took a side. In about 3 minutes the windows were clear once more, they tossed the cleaning supplies in the driveway before calling it quits.<br>"Just get in the back seat." she said. Her car was against the retaining wall so only the driver's side was usable. The doors opened causing debris and dust from the roof to fall into the car. The guys jumped into the back seat in a flash and Katie was in the driver's seat. She put the key in the ignition and fought with the car to actually start. It took a few tries before it caught and was up and running. She cautiously left the driveway before making her way to the highway just a mile down the road. Katie hit 80mph at some points, just trying to get there as fast as she could. Time was of the essence. It was already past 8 in the morning and she was told chances of him making it through the night were low. Who knew how much longer he had? They arrived after about 2 hours, Katie found a parking spot right up front and she barely put it in park before the guys had jumped out. She followed soon enough. The ran to the main entrance and reached the info desk in a tizzy. The receptionist, a little freaked out by their loud entrance offered her assistance.  
>"Where is James Diamond? Its an emergency!" Carlos said.<br>"Let's see…Ah, James Diamond is in the ICU. Its on the 4th floor, Pavilion E, Section 2; room 9. To get there take a left, then 2nd right; you'll see stairs and the elevator. Once on the 4th floor go straight until the end take a right and check in with the nurse's station." She directed. The Kendall, Logan and Katie had already took off down the hall. Carlos looked to see them already out of sight. He turned back to the receptionist and said a quick thanks before peeling out after them. They followed the instructions and came to the stairs and elevator in seconds. Kendall smashed the up button and they waited. Both elevators were in use, Logan and Kendall made a break up the stairs. Katie and Carlos rounded the corner as the other two were out of sight. Carlos ran to the stairs and stopped when the elevator dinged. Katie and Carlos were greeted with a full elevator; they waited until it emptied before getting inside. Katie hit the button for the 4th floor repeatedly. The ride up seemed to take forever, as soon as the elevator dinged, they checked to be sure they were on the 4th floor and dashed out of the car like bats out of hell as soon as the doors opened.

_***AN* Shadow is my dog. I am a dog trainer/canine science teacher. My house is described somewhat truthfully here; there are cobwebs in the ceilings but no one can reach and I'm afraid of heights to get on a ladder. I'm not ashamed of dirt, I work with animals and its part of the job. I'm not a girly girl and not afraid to get dirty. My car described in this story (the green SUV wit the caution k-9 magnet) is not that dirty, my car is just about spotless with the exception of the board runners and tire/ tire casings. once it gets warmer, i'll give it a nice detailing it deserves. I described what it might look like after 2 and 1/2 years of it sitting in my driveway as my character was in LA shooting the show/touring.  
><strong>_

_**i want to clarify that i do not know much, if anything about the human body from a medical POV. Anything described in past, future, and present chapters is purely fiction and made up. I do not know what symptoms go to which ever ailment I may use.**_

_**Also, I have never broken a law or been to prison, so any prison depiction is purely fictional and from my imagination no matter how realistic or fake it may seem.**_


	18. Chapter 18

_***AN* To avoid spoilers, I put all the AN's down at the bottom. Read at your own risk!***_

Kendall and Logan were just coming up the last set of stairs when Carlos and Katie came out the elevator. The four of them ran down the hall and headed towards the pavilion. They reached the nurse's station out of breath but full of energy. The nurse recognized them from the show and just pointed to his room. They took off again and kept going until they reached his room. They ran past it but quickly turned around before sliding to a stop in front of the room and walking inside. The Diamond's were still there and turned to see the new guests. There were no hard feelings between them, if anything they were grateful they would show up. The room was dim and quiet but had a bright feeling with all the balloons and flowers. Katie was the first to approach James. It didn't even look like him, he was pale, cold and thin. He always had a lean figure but he didn't even have muscle mass anymore. Tears formed and soon after fell down onto his bed. She wanted to hug him and tell him so much. She wished she could have visited him in prison, maybe she would have seen his declining health and gotten him help before it was too late. An arm around her shoulder caught her off guard. She looked up to see Kendall next to her, staring at his former best friend. She began to sob and leaned into Kendall who held her tightly. Logan and Carlos approached James bed side and just stayed quiet. The Diamond's let them have a moment with their friend. Katie had stopped crying and was now by James' side, her hand atop his. The others just watched in silence. Kendall made his way outside, Logan and Carlos followed soon after.  
>"Dude, what's up?" Logan asked<br>"I just needed some air…" Kendall replied  
>"I know, I never thought we'd see a day like today. Even with all the crazy shit we did, we seemed invincible." Carlos said<br>"Its not even that. I just feel guilty in a way. I never talked to James after the incident. Its too late now. I want to make things right, I just hate that I could only figure it out under these circumstances." Kendall explained.  
>"Its never too late." Logan said<br>"It is this time Logan. Besides, its more important for Katie to be with him. He probably hates us all anyway, we never did visit him or talk to him." Kendall reasoned.

Inside James' hospital room, Katie was standing right beside his bed. She looked at him with swollen eyes. She grabbed a chair and pulled it as close as she could and leaned over the bed.  
>"James, I hope you can hear me, I just wanted to let you know that I forgive you. You might not believe me but I do. I'm sorry I wasn't able to visit you.; if I was allowed to go, you know I would have. Please don't think me forgiving you is from regret. I had a lot of time to think this through. You're like a brother to me and I never want to lose that bond. Just know that I still love you. I just wanted you to know that so you can be free. Don't worry about me, I'll miss you, but I know you'll be in a better place. There's no need for you to suffer anymore, but I'll be here until you're ready to make your decision."<br>Outside the door, Kendall, Carlos and Logan were in tears. Katie's words rung true in their hearts, they were like brothers and no matter what, they still had that deep bond. They felt selfish in a way, Katie went through the most but was able to forgive James, while they kept their distance. They didn't want it to end this way. They made their way back inside. Katie looked to them, hearing them coming. Carlos stood next to Katie, Logan and Kendall were on the other side. They looked at their friend in silence as they gathered their words.  
>"James, I'm sorry. I'm sorry for everything I did to you." Kendall started "I'll be honest with you, you deserved that punch in the face for what you made everyone go through but I'm still sorry for not being there."<br>"I'm sorry too, bro." Logan said.  
>"We hope you can find it in your heart to forgive us, James. Please." Carlos added<br>"We're family till the end and nothing is going to change that." Kendall finished. They sat in silence for several minutes, content with having everything out in the open. James' parents came back and a doctor followed not too far behind. He checked the heart monitor and compared it to his notes.  
>"His heart rate and respiratory rate are slowly dropping. I'm honestly surprised he made it this long, but the end is near. I'm sorry, but there isn't anything else I can do, except make him comfortable." the doctor said. The Diamond's acknowledged the news while Carlos held Katie tightly as she cried into his chest. Nurse's brought in extra chairs and they all huddled around James' bed. They sat in silence and listened to the hear monitor's steady beeping. As the hours passed, the beeping got slower and slower. They watched James for any sign of life hoping for a miracle, but ultimately waiting for the inevitable.<p>

At around 5:24pm, the once slow but steady beeping came to a halt, replaced by the signature loud tone and flat line. James put up a fight but ultimately just couldn't fight anymore. James David Diamond had passed away peacefully with his friends, nay, his family by his side. They stayed by his side even after medical staff turned off the machines, they worked around them and gave them a moment alone to say a final farewell. After about 5 minutes medical staff asked for them to leave so they could prepare the body. Logan and Carlos forced Katie up but not before she gave him a kiss on the forehead. She watched as they removed his tubing and medical equipment and placed the infamous white sheet over his head. Logan urged her on and she was met with the bright lights of the hallway and staff members with condolences and tissues. She took several as did James' parents.  
>His parents offered them to help with arrangements which would be held in their hometown in California. They accepted and would begin arrangements the next day. As for right now everyone was tired and just didn't have the emotional strength to think about this anymore. The Diamond's were getting a hotel nearby. It would be a long drive back to CT, and they were tempted to spend the night in RI. However they had forgotten to grab cash on the way out the door, Katie had emergency cash but only enough to pay for a tow, one cheap room or a tank refill. If they stayed the night, they could all fit into one room but then they would be stuck in RI, the best solution was to head back to CT. Upon hearing this, the Diamond's said they would go to CT as well. James' body would be in the hospital for about 2 days while it was prepared and then it would be shipped out to CA. They could all spend a night or 2 in CT making preparations before flying out to CA to meet his body.<br>After making final decisions, they began the long walk to Katie's car. Kendall had his arm around her and Carlos held her hand. The guys piled into her car and they followed the Diamond's to the rental shop to drop off their rented vehicle. Carlos and Kendall got in the third row of seats, Logan took shot gun and the Diamond's got the 2nd row. It was a long and quiet trip back to CT, it was just about dark when they arrived. Katie drove across town to the only available hotels in her small town. The Diamond's chose the Eco hotel and bid them goodnight before driving back to her house. It was dark now and there were no lights left on. They stumbled up the front staircase and side walk while Katie tried to find her key in the dark. Kendall flashed his cell phone over her and she found it quickly.  
>The house was just as dark and Shadow was there waiting. She fumbled for the light switch before grabbing Shadow and pulling him backwards to let the guys in. They crashed in the living room and just casually talked for the remainder of the night and ordered pizza. Soon enough it was midnight and they decided it was time for bed. Katie headed upstairs and got undressed before hopping into bed with Shadow following and snuggling next to her. She didn't think she would fall asleep to quickly, she had a lot on her mind. The day didn't seem real. She fell asleep after an intense thinking session and slept through the night. She dreamed about James, they were so vivid but yet she wouldn't remember them at all when she woke up. She woke up to a knock at her door. She turned over in time to see Logan entering.<br>"Katie, the Diamond's called, they want to meet up in an hour." he said. Katie was groggy, as usual. She was not a morning person. Logan stood in the door, waiting for Katie to get up; once she did he came in a little bit. Katie was processing what was going on, she remembered that James had passed away last night. It just didn't seem real.  
>"You going to be alright?" Logan asked softly.<br>"Yeah…" she sighed.  
>"I'll meet you down stairs then." he said giving her a one arm hug before leaving. She heard noises in her bathroom and knew the others were awake as well. She got dressed and gathered her things before heading downstairs. Logan and Carlos were already waiting, Kendall was still upstairs.<br>"I'm getting something to eat, you want something?"  
>"Let's just get McDonalds." Carlos said. Katie paused, she was waiting for James' usual rebuttal. He never ate fast food, he didn't stop the other from going as a group though.<br>"Ok…" She said quietly. She waited with them and they put an arm around her.  
>"It's ok Katie, we'll get through this together. Its going to hurt for a while but we still have each other." Logan consoled.<br>"Hurry up Kendall!" Carlos called upstairs. The door opened and Kendall started down the stairs.  
>"I'm coming, I'm coming." he said. They made their way back out to Katie's car and headed up to the hotel the Maslow's were staying at.<p>

"Wait, I thought we were getting breakfast?" Logan questioned  
>"We are, there's another Mcdonald's down the street from the hotel."<br>"Ok."  
>Once she made her way to the other side of town, she pulled into the McDonald's drive thru.<br>"Hi and welcome to Mcdonald's; how can I help you?" the voice said. Katie gave her order before gathering the guys orders. "That'll be 38.80, first window please." She heard the guys digging into their wallets.  
>"Wait until we get back to my house, it'll be faster this way." she said flipping out some cash. They sat back down and Katie paid before heading to the next window. a tray of drinks was handed to her first, she placed it on the seat real quick before reaching back to grab 3 large bags of food. She placed them on the front floor to hand out when they got to the hotel. She drove off and kept going to the other end of East Main ST, finally reaching the hotel. She just pulled in when she heard the guys unbuckling. She put the car in park and the back doors opened. Carlos went to the front passenger door but it was locked; that door had a malfunctioning lock. It was somewhat dangerous having a door that didn't work properly in case of an emergency but it was good for keeping three hungry guys from ripping through bags of food. She got out and walked around and unlocked the door with her key. She handed Carlos the tray of drinks and reached in to grab a bag of food. She turned to hand it too him to find the tray empty. She gave him the bag anyway and grabbed the other two before shutting the door.<br>"Wait until we get settled, then you can have the food." she said to avoid getting swarmed. They walked in and were greeted by staff members and then the Diamond's. They had a reserved table in the dining hall and they sat down to chat. Katie grabbed her breakfast sandwich and a hash brown before handing the bags off to the guys. They had ordered about $10 of food each, give or take. She watched as they wolfed it down like they were bite sized pieces. her friends here at home were the same way so it was nothing new, but it still amazed her at the amount of food, guys could pack away.  
>Arrangements were made pretty quickly and efficiently. Mrs. Diamond had a lot of this already thought out in the back of her mind. She had just hoped she would never have had to use it. The four of them and Mr. Diamond were going to be pallbearers, they would need one more person but someone back home would most likely volunteer. Mrs. Diamond had everything covered but she wanted Katie to give one of the eulogies.<br>"Me? But why?" she asked.  
>"My son loved you like a sister. You were always there for each other and even after everything that happened you were right there by his side to the very end. The eulogy needs to be given by someone who knew him and was closer than anyone else. I believe very strongly that its you." Mrs. Diamond encouraged<br>"But I have no idea what to say…" Katie replied  
>"Say what's in your heart. Pretend you're talking to him and not an audience." Kendall said<br>"Doesn't the family hate me? I'm sure they know by now of what happened. They'll probably blame me for his death. After all if he wasn't sent to prison he wouldn't have died." Katie wondered.  
>"It was the prisons fault. They didn't take care of him or watch him." Mr Diamond defended.<br>"He's right, you're not to blame. What James did was his own doing. I was shocked and ashamed that he would do such a thing and as much as I didn't want my baby sent to jail, there was nothing I could do about it. It was for his own good; or at least it was supposed to be." Mrs Diamond said. Katie stayed silent, She was looking at the table but could feel everyone looking at her.  
>"I'm just not sure I can do it. It's short notice for me to put all my feelings onto paper you know? I want to say no, but I'm going to do it for James. I'll give it my best shot." Katie said at last. Everybody smiled at her decision. They finished the rest of the planning and by late afternoon, were all set to put it all into action. The Diamond's would leave early the next morning and prepare everything, while the others stayed behind and helped Katie pack. She would be gone for about a week or more. The planning may have been all done but there was work to do at the studio. Katie's parents were on a vacation and wouldn't be back for a few days yet. She called them to let them know the news and they understood when she said she was leaving for a couple weeks.<p>

**_*AN* Yes, James passed away. I warned you in a previous chapter a character may die. Bear in mind I do have other endings outlined and just need to write them up. I wasnt quite sure, this was the ending I wanted or that fit the best but I liked the way it rolled. I didnt want to upload this chapter until I had the other endings all set for uploading but from previous stories, my alternate endings usually dont get read :( I may just add them to this story instead or make them separate. I believe there is one final chapter left to this first quarter to half of this entire story deserved the M rating but as i wrote I realized i hadnt been using the M rating all that much. I'm actually not one for swearing, it feels 'funny' you know? I've said my fair share of inappropriate phrases and words but I dont use them in my day to day life so I often forget or have no need to use them in a story to get a point across. I just wanted to apologize for anyone who may have noticed and was a little miffed; although if you kept reading the story I thank you._**

**_I've noticed that sometimes, when I update, instead of getting the email that the story was updated almost instantly it shows up several hours later. Its happened twice where the alerts are sent in between 10-18 hours later. Just thought I'd share that in case for what ever reason, an email never gets sent. Not much I can do about it, except hope that the readers do eventually get it, ideally within a day or 2.  
><em>**

**_I have yet to start any of my college homework, although I am on break, there is still much too do. Just keep this in mind if I dont update as often between chapters or stories. I pulled a muscle in the back of my knee in my left leg and I twisted my knee in the right leg from limping for the left leg, so I will be bed ridden for a few days._**


	19. Chapter 19

_***AN* Ok so I liked the way this chapter ended so I'm going to leave this as the final chapter. I'm going to post an epilogue for this story as another chapter though. It'll be a few days to weeks before I upload the alternate endings; i have yet to even outline the rape scene from this story and that will be a difficult challenge. I cried while writing this chapter as well so just a word of warning. I waited to upload this and the previous chapter together to avoid any more suspense and so you can read it together fluidly since I feel as if there is a bit more emotion in this story.** _

Today was the day. It looked and kind of felt like any other day in California. Granted it usually rained a lot but today of all days, it was bright and sunny, not a cloud in the sky. Perfect conditions for surfing. It felt like the weather was mocking everyone. Katie was staring out the window at the weather and the scenery and just thinking. A knock on her door brought her back to reality. She went to answer it and Kendall was standing on the other side in his suit. He took a look at Katie.  
>"You look beautiful." he said. Katie was never one to dress up at all. She was always content in t-shirts and athletic pants or jeans. Katie had on a nearly flowing black dress, it had half length sleeves and had a few ruffles scattered about. A few sequins and rhinestones decorated the top along with a simple red rose necklace. She had green hair extensions clipped in her hair, James favorite color and hers too. Kendall extended his arm and she looped her arm through and they walked to the lobby to the waiting limo together. Carlos held the door for her and Logan was already inside to help her in.<br>"Watch your head." Logan warned. she ducked down a little bit but was a little shaky in her platforms. Logan grabbed her hands and guided her in with the help of Kendall. They loaded themselves inside and once they were set, they took off to the parlor.  
>Today was just for viewing. Although it was private, there were many people that arrived. Family, friends, co workers, everyone it seemed. Not only from James side, but people they all knew. Nickelodeon staff and co-stars both came out to send their condolences and lend support for the remaining band members and Katie. After several hours and hundreds of hugs, the viewing was over. Several relatives had stayed behind to catch up with everyone. It's funny how that usually happened. When someone passed away, it seemed to be the only time everyone was able to come together. The other Nick stars that had showed had gone back to work. One of the executives had made a meeting for Thursday, the day after the funeral. It got on Katie's nerves a little bit how Nick was kind of down playing this. She understood why of course but she just wasn't in the mood to really absorb everything.<br>The four of them made their way back to the hotel and went straight to their rooms, exhausted from the day. They had to get up early tomorrow for the funeral. Katie set the alarm on her phone for 8am and she fell asleep shortly after.  
>She woke up shortly before her alarm went off. She checked he phone and it was 7:56; she might as well get up. It was dark in her room, almost like it was raining. She opened the curtains to be met with another beautiful, bright and sunny day. After staring out the window for a few minutes, she began to get ready. She still had some leftover make up on from last night and began trying to scrub it off. She wasn't going to need make up today, she was going to be in pants. It didn't take her long at all to get ready; she checked her phone and it was only 8:20. She grabbed her things off the desk and packed them in a bag. She pulled out a folder to organize her bag. She opened it up real quick just to make sure the paper was inside; it was. She closed it again and held it in front of her. She was nervous and scared, she wasn't ready to give this eulogy. Every time she thought about it, she would feel a tingle go up and down her spine. She put the folder back in her bag and finished gathering her things before heading to the lobby to get a quick bite to eat. Her phone vibrated and it was Carlos wondering where she was. She didn't respond to the text since she was on her way back up anyway. She went straight to the guys' rooms to find them all in one room.<br>"There you are!" Kendall said exasperated.  
>"We were worried you ran off." Logan said.<br>"No, I was just downstairs getting some food. I figured I had time before everyone was ready." came her reply.  
>"Oh, well then, are you all ready?" Kendall asked<br>"Yeah I am…Just nervous." she said  
>"Don't worry, you can do this." Kendall said putting a hand on her shoulder<br>"We'll be right there with you." Carlos said. They walked out to the waiting limo and made their way back to the parlor. This time they were able to have their own private viewing. Yesterday was so busy with preparations that they couldn't say their own goodbyes. It was quiet at the parlor, the undertakers were already there as they prepared for today's duty. They greeted the guests and left them alone until it was time to leave. Katie looked over all the poster boards of pictures. There were a lot, everyone brought their own memories to share. Looking at it, one could see the difference between the behind the scenes James and the "Nickelodeon star" James. His friends brought pictures of before he was part of BTR, drinking and flipping people off, just being a regular person. All the leaked photos of them after he became part of BTR were so formal and rehearsed. She knew of the real James, they spent a lot of time together off camera as a group so it was entertaining to see the difference. She made her way inside the viewing room and approached the casket. He looked so different. He wasn't the pale, weak looking James she saw in the hospital a few days ago. Now he looked full of life, like he was just sleeping and he could wake up at the slightest sound. She wished it was true. Soon enough it was time to go. They got into the limo as James was put into the hearse. They took their place in the procession and took off. The funeral went off without a hitch, thus far anyway. The ceremony was just about over, Katie would be going up next to give the final eulogy. Her heart was beating fast, she was nervous beyond belief and she had goose bumps all over. A nudge by Logan spooked her a little.  
>"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you. It's time for you to go up." he said. She made her way t the podium and adjusted the mic.<br>"I'm here today, to tell you all about James and the good times we had. Its true, we had a lot of great times. We had many laughs, much fun…It was a good time all around. As with any best friend, you have your bad times. We had our fights, we had our threats, we sometimes hated each other but we got over it. The bond we all shared was one that couldn't be broken no matter what. I'm sure many, if not all, of you know what had happened. There isn't an easy way to talk about it. What I do want to say is, that wasn't James. Now hear me out, Physically yes it was him, but his eyes told a different story. We talked shortly after the incident and I saw his regret and hatred of himself. I couldn't stand to see him like that. I didn't want to forgive so easily. I felt that he should suffer, at least for a little bit, for what he had put me through. When I heard that James was dying, I didn't know what to think. I couldn't help think that it was my fault; like he was trying to commit suicide. Once I found out what he had went through with the abuse and neglect he suffered in prison I felt just as bad if not worse. I didn't have a choice to drop the charges; to be honest I'm not sure I would have." she paused for a bit as she tried to gather her words, she had spent so much time on this speech but never practiced it and it sounded horrible thus far. "Ok this isn't working. I tried writing a decent Eulogy in hopes that I could get my point across and obviously it's not working. I loved James like a brother. James was there for me when I needed him, he protected me from anything that scared me. As far as what he did, its in the past. I was hurt that it happened, but I just wanted to put it behind me. I didn't want to throw away our friendship over it. I was looking forward to the day he was released from prison and that we could be a big happy family again. I didn't want us to be friends for the sake of our jobs. No one can replace James and I didn't want to see all of our friendships disappear over one mistake. I had the guts to stand up to James and forgive him. I wanted to make sure we could all function together again. I have several points here; if I can forgive James, there is no reason why anyone else wouldn't be able to or to hate me. I'll never know if James would have accepted my forgiveness, I just wanted to let him know that I did forgive and that I love him. I'll miss him and for as long as I live, I'll never forget him. He was still alive when I told him all this but whether he heard me or not I'll never know. It's something I'll live with for the rest of my life, but in the end we shared a deeper bond than anyone else."  
>Katie concluded her speech and walked off the podium to her seat. The guys of BTR were waiting with open arms and encouraging pats. They listened to the remainder of the ceremony in silence as thoughts of James ran through their minds; the good, the bad and the ugly. There wasn't a dry eye in the room. The ceremony ended with the final procession back to the awaiting hearse to take James to his final resting place. Katie got to the car before she remembered she left her bag; she ran back inside to get it. The place was empty and eerily quiet. She grabbed her bag and saw the folder on top she opened it and saw she had left the speech on the podium. She ran down the aisle to get it and walked back to her seat. She put it on the seat real quick as she checked to make sure she had everything. A buzzing noise made her yell. She looked up to see a flickering light. It crept her out so she ignored it and hurried to gather her things. The light buzzed again, louder and crackled. She screamed and ducked thinking it was going to explode. When it didn't, she looked at the light again and it had stopped. She stared for a second before it started again. Something seemed different. As much as the light crept her out, something was drawing her too it. She watched as it flickered and saw a pattern. She recognized the pattern. She couldn't believe what she was seeing. She knew it couldn't just be coincidence. She looked up Morse Code on her phone real quick and sure enough she matched the pattern. "I love you". She felt her eyes swell with tears and couldn't hold them back any longer.<br>"Katie?" she heard a voice say. She looked up at the light first before turning to see Kendall standing in the door way. He could see the fresh tears running down her cheeks. She wiped them away as he walked over. "It's going to take some time, but we'll get through this…together. I Promise, you won't have to go through it alone."  
>"These are tears of joy though."<br>"Joy? Joy from what?"  
>"Look!" she said pointing to the once flickering light.<br>"Look at what? There's nothing there."  
>"Yes there is! Just watch." she insisted. He watched for several seconds.<br>"Nothing's happening. What's going on?"  
>"It was James. I know it was."<br>"What? Where?"  
>"Up there. That light right there started buzzing. Every time I looked at it, it just flickered. I looked it up on google and it was flickering the same pattern as "I love you" in Morse Code! That can't be coincidence!"<br>"But the light's not flickering now, it was probably just a short."  
>"I swear it's true, Kendall!" she said she turned to the light "Come on, James, prove to Kendall that it was you." She waited but there was no response. Kendall stood behind her, his heart breaking in two. Was James' death getting to her? He didn't want to see Katie suffer anymore.<br>"Come on, Katie, we have to go." he said as he grabbed her hand  
>"No. I want you to see. Please James."<br>"It's ok Katie, he thinks I havent forgiven him. All that matters is that he contacted you."  
>"Then tell him! Tell him you forgive him! Tell him, you'll miss him!" she said loudly as fresh tears began to stream.<br>"It's too late, Katie. I could scream it until I was hoarse, but it's not going to change anything." he reasoned. He paused for a moment "what matters is the bond you two have. Keep it close forever and never forget it. Do it for all of us, keep the bond alive and never let it fade" He gave her a hug, squeezing her tight.  
>"There you guys are!" they looked up to see Logan and Carlos. "Come on, everyone's waiting for us." Logan said calmly. Kendall and Katie walked out, Carlos put an arm around Katie. Logan waited for them to pass so he could follow. He saw something out of the corner of his eye but saw it was just a malfunctioning light.<p>

_***BONUS!* This is an alternate ending to this chapter I was working with but ultimatley decided to scrap. It just wasnt flowing, but instead of deleting completely I thought I would add it anyway just so you can kinda see some of my other thought processes. Honestly, this ending was SO stupid! I dont know where it came from or how I was able to get so far into it, but after reading a depressing story I figured you could use a laugh!**_  
>Katie was in mid thought when gasps and murmurs from the attendees caught her attention. The lights had gone out, it wasn't too noticeable because it was broad daylight and the place was full of windows. A buzzing and crackling noise filled the room. A single light began to flicker repeatedly above an empty seat next to the guys and Katie. They watched as the light flickered and buzzed, before inching away from it. The buzzing grew louder and the light shined brighter and stronger before exploding. They shielded them selves from the dust and as soon as it cleared looked at the light and among the debris was a lone butterfly. It wasn't moving. Katie examined it and it flickered its wings. She picked it up gently and got a closer look at it. It had huge, brightly colored wings; bigger than most butterflies. She touched it gently to see if it would fly away, but instead it turned around and looked at her for a few seconds before making a quick 'jump' into her hair. She tried to shake it out but was unsuccessful. Kendall managed to pry it out of her hair but flew away from him and onto Katie's shoulder.<p>

**_When Logan saw the functioning light, I pictured it to be James again. But since they were leaving, and logan and carlos had no idea, they didnt know it was james (or was it?). It would just be Katie and Kendall's secret (for now?). I pictured the light being James trying to say a final farewell to his friends. it could have been 'goodbye' "i'm sorry" or something short._**

_**Well, that's it. An epilogue will be coming within a few days. If you enjoyed my writing, feel free to check out my other stories and subscribe to alerts if you'd like to read my next story. Some of my alternate endings can get lengthy so I give them their own story and title instead of adding them to the end. Allow a few weeks for those. I have many ideas for future stories, some or more pronounced than others. i've been working so long on this story, that I have forgotten some of my other ideas that I wa so excited to begin on. I get my inspiration from not only the show, but from day to day life and other tv shows. many are spur of the moment. I'd love to give a summary of my next story but I dont even know the plot yet. I'll get started on the rape scene and post that first to get it done and over with, its going to take me the longest anyway.**_

_**I know James was killed in this story but fear not, since I am not writing in chronological order, James will be alive an full of energy in the next story and most likely no one will remember any of these events ever happened. I apologize to the James lovers out there for picking on James in this story. I'll pick on someone else next. I need to give Logan and Carlos some more love, i find it harder to write about them, i'll think of something.**_

_**Thank you to everyone who read my story; many thanks to those of you who made it this far and read the whole thing. Thanks for the reviews, I love getting reviews it makes me feel like I'm doing something right! The stats of this story are pretty incredible and I'm proud of that. this isnt my first story and it wont be the last.** _


	20. Epilogue

_***AN* Here's the epilogue for this story. The alternate endings will have their own epilogues where appropriate. I actually thought of another story while writing the epilogues/alternate endings so look forward to that. I havent decided whether or not I would post the alternate endings here or as separate stories. It depends on how long they get. I have at least 2 alternate endings, possibly more; I'm outlining them now and then I'll write them up. I'm still working on the rape scene. It might be a few weeks before I upload anything aside from this epi and 1 alternate that is just about done.**_

_**This epi is kinda vague, I was having some trouble trying to think of what might happen and then how I was going to put it into words, so I apologize in advance if it gets a little confusing.**_

_**Thanks again for reading this story and I hope you enjoyed it!**_

The next day, James' parents followed BTR and Katie to LA; they were going to clean out his condo and sell/rent it. The guys and Katie decided to help out if they could. There wasn't much to go through surprisingly: 90% of his stuff fit in a large U-haul. The rest fit in Mr. Diamond's truck. To make it a little easier, the Diamond's told them, they could take anything they wanted. Katie took only a few of James' autographed BTR memorabilia a few of his shirts. The guys took a few small items as well and packed them in Carlos' car. It was a long and depressing day, going through his stuff, but at the end of the day, the condo was empty. Carlos, Kendall, Logan and Katie stood in the empty entry room and visualized the memories they shared. It was like TV playing before them, they could see and hear themselves laughing, joking and rough housing in the different parts of the house. Tears filled their eyes but no one cried, the memories were too happy. They may not of had their best friend but they still had the memories and nothing and no one could ever take those. They left in a single file as Kendall closed the door behind them and they piled into Carlos's car as best they could and made their way back home. Katie crashed at Carlos' place, since he apartment had been re-rented for her year off. Carlos got the guest room ready for her and they said goodnight before retiring. Tomorrow they had a meeting at Nickelodeon Studios and Katie knew it was going to be a long stressful day.  
>It was well after 10am when Carlos woke up Katie. He had been calling her for a while but she wasn't answering, she was sound asleep. She finally got up and got ready and they left for Nick studios. They had a 12pm meeting and when they arrived it was just about 11:45. They expected James to be there already, as he usually was but were greeted by Kendall and Logan instead. They sat down and got comfortable, talking amongst themselves before their CEO arrived.<br>The meeting was about BTR's future, both show and band. The wounds from losing their best friend were still fresh and the last thing they wanted to talk about was James' replacement. The CEO understood that and was really sympathetic about their loss. He was willing to cut the contract up and be done with it.  
>They had several options, They could continue on as a threesome, get a replacement or quit. After much thought, they decided that as much as they wanted to quit, its not what James would have wanted them to do. After all, James told Katie to become the star he knew she could be.<br>The collectively decided they would continue with the show but they didn't want to replace James. It just wasn't an option. The CEO agreed with their decision and the writers wrote up a few scenarios for the first episode of season 5. There were about 54 scripts written in anticipation of the return of both Katie and James. Most could be re-written to exclude James, the rest would need an additional character. They shot as much of the 5th season they could and began to air the episodes. In anticipation of the return of BTR, the number of people that tuned in had nearly doubled the amount of the pilot episode 6 years ago. James never made an appearance in the first episode, even from using old footage. Younger viewers just thought that James would come back, he wasn't killed off in the show, it was too morbid for Nick; instead James had to temporarily quit. Of course older viewers raised questions as to why the quartet was now a trio. Nick Officials beat around the bush with an answer, never directly telling anyone that he had passed away.  
>The remaining members had to rehearse new steps to fit a trio. James' parts were reassigned. They did a short tour as the new group to test out reactions. Nick watched the numbers bounce around as the show aired, it was mildly popular but wasn't doing as well as it did. They were prepared to air the rest of the season as the media caught wind of James' disappearance. They were hounded almost daily, and still everyone refused to talk or never gave straight forward answers. News stories came out that there were fights or creative differences that caused James to leave. As of right now, everyone was prepared to back that story. If they released James death, there would be questions as to how and why. Nick wasn't prepared to let a story like that get out and ruin their reputation or to ruin a star's rep.<br>Once the season ended, BTR and Nick met once more to discuss the future. The ratings were slowly declining. They were signed for one more season and wanted to test a replacement. It had been almost a year since James' death. Although they still weren't ready for a replacement they gave it a shot. They got along with the new guy, Seth. He was similar to James, he was the tallest by about an inch over Kendall, he had short brown hair and had a lean/semi-muscular build. He couldn't do a back flip but he could move quick on his feet. His singing was average and choppy as he danced; he would be working on his skills behind the scenes before possibly touring. For now, he was just doing the TV show. Reactions weren't overly warm towards Seth. It would take some time for people to get used to them. BTR went public a few times with Seth showing how great they got along with him but when they ignored questions about James, they were criticized for betraying and hating their former cast mate. They wanted to tell everyone about James death so badly, but now it was too late. They would be criticized for trying to hide it or acting as if no one cared. Rumors had begun to spread a few months prior that James had died, going online, fans couldn't find anything about James' new acting jobs, if he had any, he had completely vanished.  
>The numbers slowly continued to decline and Nickelodeon made the final decision to air the rest of the episodes but ultimately, Big Time Rush, was finished. The show had finished shooting a month ago so everyone left for home. They still had a chance to come back to Nick as many stars do. They could be an extra in a show or be a guest star. They would never be Big Time Rush again though. With their show, the name, band, merchandise and music was retired and owned by Nickelodeon. They had a few days to clean out their dressing rooms and other personal belongings. They each took their personalized name plates off their doors and packed them away with care. They made quick working of the studio, taking what little mementos they could before going their separate ways.<br>Seth had gained his own show "the Simple Life". It was about him being a normal person. It was a sham, Seth was nothing like that, he was a diva in every way. He and Katie never got along, but she didn't let the guys know that. Seth was a complete asshole to her, he ordered her around and bullied her, he even hit her a few times. Nickelodeon staff and officials saw it and tried to fire him but he fought back and won in a court of law.  
>Kendall went back to being part of Heffron Drive and became moderately successful. Carlos and Logan both continued their acting journeys, they never scored any major roles, just commercials and guest spots. Carlos quit his acting career after 3 years and went to college. Logan continued his acting career and went to school online part time.<br>Katie went back home to CT and focused on her studies. She finished her schooling in about a year and a half and got her degrees and certification in animal sciences. She went on to become a successful business woman and opened up her own kennel/grooming parlor with her best friend from her childhood, who was a vet. Afterwards, she opened up the Academy of Canine Sciences which later introduced Equine, Feline and Small animal studies as well.  
>They still remembered the good times now and again; especially when they were recognized. They were often asked by the select few what ever happened. By then, they were able to tell the truth. It was a long and painful story even after all the time that had past. It wasn't long before the whole story got out and as with any story it was misconstrued in several ways but Big Time Rush no longer existed so there wasn't a need to correct it.<br>They stayed friends for several years, getting together a few times a year to catch up, but as they got busier with their own lives, their relationships faded. Eventually Big Time Rush was just another distant memory in the past, gathering dust. Communication eventually ceased between the friends but deep in their hearts they never forgot each other. Even when they started their own families, stories were shared and passed down. Their children saw the life in their parents eyes when they retold the memories, they laughed at the show and the silly things their characters did. It never got old to watch BTR.


End file.
